Sleep. The Final Frontier!

The time is almost upon us. On Monday I shall (once again) be heading back to work. This time I'm hoping it's for good, no more trip ups or bumps in the road, just a straight up back to work and back to normality!

My moods are pretty much there, no more wild swings and deep depressive days. My anxiety seems to be under control, I still feel anxious, but am more able to control those feelings. However, there is one stone in my return to work shoe.....my sleep. I'm still not sleeping well, I either sleep too much or not enough  - waking up shattered and wanting to nap again later. This is the last hurdle I have to overcome, and I'm sure that when I'm working the sleep will be easier, at least I hope so.

This last week was supposed to be a week of fun, of enjoying these last few days and making sure I was in a good place ready for Monday. We did manage to head out and enjoy the sunshine on Tuesday, but on Wednesday I was walloped by a migraine, that has only just retreated today, so that wiped out Thursday completely :(

That means the (free - yay) visit to the cinema to see Avengers Assemble as been held off until the weekend. So here we are again....returning to work, having normal weekends, and getting back to myself! This time it's for good!

Getting There?

I've realised something today. Whilst driving home from Asda it suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't felt anxious once.

Perhaps it's had something to do with Hague being away for the weekend, so I HAD to go out and walk Boo, and pop to the shops on my own, and I managed. Despite feeling anxious then, I got through, and so today, the first day of having Hague back, I've not felt panicky.

I'm really hoping this is real progress. I've been following my Occupational Health advisor's advice and it does seem to be slowly helping, it would be nice to think that maybe I'm getting there, that maybe, just maybe I'm only a matter of weeks away from being back to myself, feeling normal again. Able to cope like most other people cope with the normality of life from day to day.

My certificate runs out on Friday, and whilst I don't feel quite ready to go back, I'm certainly feeling like that isn't an impossibility, that going back will be happening sooner rather than later. A feeling I've not had in a long time!

So I shall keep pushing myself onwards, I shall keep doing as I'm advised, and with a bit of luck, I'll be back earning a living before too many more weeks have passed :)

Milestones

I AM finally feeling Christmassy. After much delaying I have finally written out the cards and they are ready for posting. I have to admit that I was aided and abetted by Elf, which happened to be on the telly and has well and truly switched on my Christmas Spirit! So from here on in I'm hoping this good mood lasts for the remaining 2 weeks until the big day :)

A second, way more scarier milestone will be passed tomorrow. I have been absent from work since August 4th after suffering from an apparent breakdown caused by stress and depression. With help from two counsellors, my doctor, a healthcare advisor, my family and of course Hague I am now in the position where I will be going back to work. Tomorrow...

Part of me sort of feels like it's not quite happening, I've been away for so long that it seems unreal to be getting back to normal. Another part of me is absolutely bricking it about going back to the place that laid the final straw on my overstressed back and knocked me for six. I know I won't be sleeping much tonight, but I'll do my best. I'm pretty sure my work trousers won't be fitting me after 4 months of eating crap, but that's a minor issue. I have silly things whizzing around my head, where are my keys? Where is my clocking card? Work shoes? Hat? Will climbing the four storeys of stairs kill me on the first day? How are people going to be with me?.....It's going to be a hard day, but...I have a new Christmassy spirit, I have support from my family and I will have Hague to wave me off and be there with open arms when I get home

How bad could it possibly be?