The LAST Time!

Yesterday I signed up for Slimming World for the last time. I'm heavier than I've ever been, and I'm determined to finally shift all the excess weight.

I've followed Slimming World before, so I know it works, and I know I lose weight on it. As I have recovered more and more from my depression, and as life starts to look a bit more normal, losing weight was always next on my list, as I know my size doesn't help with my moods.

So last week I decided that now is the time. Last night I joined my local group, and made sure it was a group that had different classes so that I can even attend during different shift weeks - no excuses! I'm reading the books through again, making sure I'm following the plan properly, looking at it with new eyes. I'm feeling totally fired up, and am looking forward to going to class each week, I know it's going to take a long time, after all it took me a fair while to put all the weight on, but I have support and I AM going to do this!

My target is my 40th birthday, which is 2 years,7 months and 27 days away. Plenty of time for a slow, steady weight loss to pay off. Go me :)

Coming Out The Other Side

It's been an age since I've blogged. I guess the urge to share my life disappears slightly when each day blends into the other, locked in a Groundhog Day existence of similar, anxious days and sleepless nights.

However, over the last couple of weeks, I've noticed a rather pleasant change. Slowly, but surely my anxious moments are lessening. My moods are quite even now. I am able to leave the house on my own and be just fine. Today I had a meeting at work, something that a few weeks ago would have thrown me into days of anxiety, passed by without incident. A HUGE step forward for me, and something I'm quite proud of. It looks like I'm finally getting there, finally getting back to normality, and am now just over a week away from a return to work - I'm feeling okay about that too.

I'm also still in love with my iPhone. I love the things it can do, I love the camera, I love the apps and I love the sheer fact that it streamlines everything into one phone. Just wonderful :)

I'm sure I'll be blogging more now that I'm starting to feel a lot better, here's hoping anyway!

Getting There?

I've realised something today. Whilst driving home from Asda it suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't felt anxious once.

Perhaps it's had something to do with Hague being away for the weekend, so I HAD to go out and walk Boo, and pop to the shops on my own, and I managed. Despite feeling anxious then, I got through, and so today, the first day of having Hague back, I've not felt panicky.

I'm really hoping this is real progress. I've been following my Occupational Health advisor's advice and it does seem to be slowly helping, it would be nice to think that maybe I'm getting there, that maybe, just maybe I'm only a matter of weeks away from being back to myself, feeling normal again. Able to cope like most other people cope with the normality of life from day to day.

My certificate runs out on Friday, and whilst I don't feel quite ready to go back, I'm certainly feeling like that isn't an impossibility, that going back will be happening sooner rather than later. A feeling I've not had in a long time!

So I shall keep pushing myself onwards, I shall keep doing as I'm advised, and with a bit of luck, I'll be back earning a living before too many more weeks have passed :)

Being Thankful

I'm English, but in this ever decreasing world of ours I have friends all over the world, and as such I can't fail to acknowledge that today is the day our colonial friends celebrate Thanksgiving. Now I don't claim to know much about the whole Thanksgiving thing beyond turkeys, pilgrims and Indians, but taking time to give thanks for the good things in your life can't be a bad thing.
So here, to remind me that all is not darkness, are some of the things I am truly thankful for...

1. Hague, as always. The support of a partner is something beyond measure. There is a good reason that marriage vows have that richer/poorer and sickness/health malarky!
2. Boo and Flump. A house just isn't a home without pets, they bring so much love and want little in return. Nothing can calm me as quickly as a cuddle from one of the fluffy little monsters :)
3. My family.I've had ups and downs during my life with my family, I'l be the first to admit it...but over the last year or so they have been there for me in ways only family can be. Patient, understanding and caring, what more could I ask for?
4. My health - yes I've had health problems this year, but the treatment has been swift and I am definitely starting to feel that I'm on the up, I'm looking very much forward to getting back to work. Besides, looper status aside, the rest of me is pretty healthy :)
5. My friends. I am definitely of the quality over quantity camp when it comes to friends. I don't have hundreds, but the ones I do have are amazing. I know that if I need anything, if it's in their power they will help in any way they can. I am so very, very thankful for them, be they childhood friends, friends of long standing, or friends who are of the online variety. I love and cherish everyone of them.
6. My house. It may be scruffy, it may be in need of a tidy and needs a million little jobs doing - but - it's our home, it's warm, it's full of love and it has a pink elephant fairy hanging from the ceiling in the living room :)
7. Jenna and Carys. Yes they're family, but I feel they need their own category. The simple, unconditional love from little people is something truly wonderful, and to have two such loving, kind, sweet and beautiful little girls in my life is something I will always be thankful for.
8. Living by the sea. An odd thing maybe, but I love it. I am thankful that if I need some fresh, cleansing air I can be on the beach within 5 minutes. I can sit on the sand, hidden in the dunes and just listen to the sea, perfect peace, right on my doorstep!

So very much to be thankful for really. I hope I'm getting close to my optimistic, glass half full self and that my list of things to be thankful for will be even longer in 2012.

Optimistic

We had an early night last night, and I woke up rather early - however I am feeling quite happy today. I've had a bit of a morning, some time to myself to watch some old Come Dine With Me episode and to see the sun creep into the sky. Today looks as if it's going to be utterly glorious, right now the sky is blue and the sun is shining. I have an appointment with my counsellor at 12.30, but after that, the day is ours.

We have a tiny bit of spare cash, and so we are heading into town after my appointment, we have nothing planned but it will be nice to be out and about, especially if the sun keeps shining :)

It's a nice feeling to feel optimistic, enthusiastic and relaxed, with my time off work hopefully coming to an end before Christmas I've been told to get out and enjoy myself, make the most of the time off and get myself back to my old self, and for the first time in a while, that feels very do-able. It's a very good feeling, long may it continue :)