So Long And Farewell

To 2011. It's not been the best of years, in fact it's been rather massively shite. If you regularly read my blog you'll know that the delights this year have brought have included 7 months out of work (so no money) for Hague, redundancy, wage cut and a nervous breakdown for me, plus the usual debt issues, failing to lose any weight whatsoever (and gaining even more),  and the ongoing court appearances and I think you can see why it's been one to forget....

However...

There have been some wonderful highlights! The long awaited and utterly enjoyed holiday in Cyprus, Hague getting himself a new job (I'll gloss over the ridiculous wait for a CRB check), earning £255 in cashback from good old Top Cashback and achieving one of my resolutions - completing my 365 Project :) Along with the 365, just using my camera every day has meant that I have learnt SO much about photography, definitely something positive to take away from the year.

Looking forward to 2012 I'm going to continue with 365, or as it will be next year a 366 project :). I'm going to be editing as well, so that will be another skill to learn.
I'm planning on losing some weight (for a change)! With my change in role I'll be more active at work anyway, and rather than "dieting" I shall be making a few changes to what I eat and just aim for losing 1lb a week that way rather than pressuring myself.

Apart from those, I want to focus on getting myself healthy, getting back to my old self and shaking off the depression and anxiety that has dogged me for so long. Finally I want to be there for Hague as we muddle our way through life - trying to keep smiles on our faces and determination in our hearts as we shove our way through whatever 2012 might throw our way!!

So in that vein, I shall take my leave for the evening. I'll be enjoying a few drinks with the man I love and the silly old furballs that share our home, I shall be positive, and smile and giggle my way through the last few hours of 2011, and merrily welcome in the New Year and the new start it always promises :)

Happy New Year! x

Far Too Quick :(

It doesn't seem two minutes ago that I was bouncing off the walls with excitement on Christmas Eve and now it's all over! Dinner has been demolished....

The presents have been opened...

And some presents are close to being gone already....

It was a lovely Christmas, the girls were on wonderful form, Hague got to talk to his boys lots over the holiday, including a short but fantastic call on Christmas morning, everyone loved the presents we got them and we got some lovely presents in return. I've been in a really good mood as well. Full of the spirit of the season if you like - with a smile on my face and a spring in my step!

Present wise, I got my main present in August (my new camera) so wasn't actually expecting anything, but I ended up with loads! Hague's Mum had treated us to a lovely food hamper and some delicious cheeses, money was also forthcoming from some and from my Parentals we got a new printer, a bottle of Jack Daniels, socks (ongoing family joke...) a really cute Basset figurine and a gorgeous Gok vanity case full of shimmery smellies :) Lucky old me :)

How cute?

With Boxing Day also spent at The Parentals it seems to have all passed in a bit of a whirlwind and so yesterday was spent relaxing in front of the TV with nibbles, but now....it's time to go back to work already. Sure it's only two days, but it's the signal that Christmas is over. New Year is obviously still to come, but the end of the year is very much nigh. I am 4 pictures away from the end of my 365 project, and my mind is now focusing on the turning of the year and everything that 2012 will bring, but that's a whole other blog!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and that Father Christmas brought you everything you wanted!

It's Christmas :)

I suppose Christmas starts at different times for different people. For children, Christmas is already here, starting when school finished. For some it's when they finish work, or put the decorations up. For some it's not Christmas until December 25th.
For me, Christmas begins when I finish work. That's when I can feel relaxed and festive. The busy parts are usually done by then....
Presents wrapped...

 Decorations up....

So the only thing to do is to embrace the season. Tonight's dinner shall be party food nibbles, and the drink of choice shall be eggnog. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, the day when traditions take over. To the Parentals as they cook the turkey and to indulge in my Mum's Fish Pie (not me obviously). It's also a chance to enjoy the super-mega hyperactivity of my Nieces. They are 8 and 5 and so time is short for Father Christmas, but they still believe this year - and it's beautiful to see the sheer excitement in their eyes as they wind themselves up into a frenzy over his visit!

Christmas Day will also be at The Parentals, after a nice relaxed morning of just me and Hague (and hopefully a phone call with his boys - double dose of mega excitement). My Mum never knowingly undercaters and so we will be rolling out of there in the late hours of the 25th.

So for now, I shall sup on my eggnog, in a room lit with fairy lights looking forward to the most wonderful time of the year.

Happy Christmas to you all, I hope each and every one of you has a magical Christmas full of joy and love.

Let Battle Commence

At this time of the year there are many traditions. Turkey, tinsel, cards, presents, shopping etc. One that is more recent is the race for Christmas Number One. Back in the days before X Craptor et al it was always an interesting race, would it be something Christmassy? Or something a bit more boring?

Once Cowell got involved it turned into a stream of nameless faceless nobodies who had their 5 minutes and then disappeared forever, until Rage Against The Machine made it there backed by a huge campaign. It's now become a sport to try and spoil the Cowell domination. I'll admit to downloading RATM and I was so chuffed that it was top of the charts for Christmas.

This year there are a hell of a lot of alternatives out there, The Only Way Is Essex, Military Wives and Nirvana. I had thought my download would be Smells Like Teen Spirit, but then for the first time in ages I was in the car early enough to listen to the Chris Moyles show, and was reminded of one of the best Christmas songs ever....

So there you have it. The MinxyMissK vote/download belongs to little Dominick the Donkey, so if you want to keep Little Mix (seriously....WTF have they done to Cannonball o_O) away from the top spot, get yourself to iTunes and download a proper Christmas song that will make you smile right through into the New Year :)

Download Dominick :)

SO Much Progress!

Wow, what a whirlwind few days! I was incredibly nervous about going back to work. It's been so long since I've been in that I was in a right old state at 2.45pm on Monday as I made my way into my new department to meet my new manager...He really couldn't have been nicer, and in the two 4 hour shifts I've completed so far he has been amazingly supportive. I guess that's in everyone's interest but it's nice to know that I have people looking out for me in my family AND at work. I did have to change the pattern we had decided on, as I'd planned to go into work on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, however I woke up on Tuesday feeling utterly drained, but a quick chat with my manager and it was all changed. I have one more shift to do this week, on Friday, but after how this week has gone, I know I'll be fine. It's a nice feeling to have, and a nice place to be on my road to recovery.

Progress has also been made in the Christmas department. ALL the presents are now bought! I'm glad they are all done and dusted now, I just hope they are all liked! We also got all the wrapping gubbings and the cards so that side of Crimbo is all done! Yay us!

Dan's contact over Christmas and New Year has also been sorted, so everyone knows what's happening, so that's another tick on the old To Do list.

The only job left to do now is to get the decorations up. Now I'm back at work I'm looking at Tuesday to get that done, as we have a few bits to do on Thursday and on Saturday I'd like to try and get up to Horsey to see the baby seals. I think me and Hague might just have this Christmas thing sussed already.

With my return to work progressing, as is Dan's CRB check it looks like (fingers very much crossed) that 2012 might just start off on a good foot - here's hoping eh?

Milestones

I AM finally feeling Christmassy. After much delaying I have finally written out the cards and they are ready for posting. I have to admit that I was aided and abetted by Elf, which happened to be on the telly and has well and truly switched on my Christmas Spirit! So from here on in I'm hoping this good mood lasts for the remaining 2 weeks until the big day :)

A second, way more scarier milestone will be passed tomorrow. I have been absent from work since August 4th after suffering from an apparent breakdown caused by stress and depression. With help from two counsellors, my doctor, a healthcare advisor, my family and of course Hague I am now in the position where I will be going back to work. Tomorrow...

Part of me sort of feels like it's not quite happening, I've been away for so long that it seems unreal to be getting back to normal. Another part of me is absolutely bricking it about going back to the place that laid the final straw on my overstressed back and knocked me for six. I know I won't be sleeping much tonight, but I'll do my best. I'm pretty sure my work trousers won't be fitting me after 4 months of eating crap, but that's a minor issue. I have silly things whizzing around my head, where are my keys? Where is my clocking card? Work shoes? Hat? Will climbing the four storeys of stairs kill me on the first day? How are people going to be with me?.....It's going to be a hard day, but...I have a new Christmassy spirit, I have support from my family and I will have Hague to wave me off and be there with open arms when I get home

How bad could it possibly be? 

The (Slightly Delayed) November Book Club!

The time has got away with me this month, and I only managed to read three books - and one of those I didn't finish until the 3rd! So this months book club will be slightly short, so perhaps not worth the lateness lol!

So here goes, the first book this month was;

Stephen King - Everything's Eventual
I decided to re-read this one as I'd finally seen the film 1408, despite mixed reviews I rather enjoyed it and it spurred me on to read this book as it contains the short story the film was based on. I'd forgotten just how much I enjoy Stephen King's short stories, and it has been years since I read this one. The 1408 story didn't disappoint and was one of my favourites, along with the autopsy room tale and Riding The Bullet. If you're a fan you'll enjoy this, no question. If you've not read a SK book before, it's a good introduction in bite sized chunks :)

Adam Ross - Mr Peanut
This one was a shot in the dark, it had good reviews so I took a chance. It's an odd book, and the reason that I only managed to read three books this month....The writing is sublime, I really loved how Ross wrote, his prose  really is something special and I could have easily got lost within his work, but, the story was too complicated, too long and too full of pointless twists and turns. You start the book presuming (perhaps wrongly) that it will be a straight forward who dunnit, but it's not. It's more of a dialogue on the state of marriage and the extremes that can happen within the lifes of seemingly normal couples. It also contains a novel within a novel, of another murder mystery. Much as I loved his writing, I was left annoyed and confused by the ending and carried on reading to finish it, rather than to find out what happened. I got bogged down in the middle and struggled to get through to the ending. Perhaps others may enjoy it more than me, perhaps others will see something deeper than I did? I don't know, I would try to read another Adam Ross book again, but I would hope he'd try not to be so clever next time, as too much story detracts from the joy of his skill.

Ben Hatch - Are We Nearly There Yet?
After trudging my way through Mr Peanut, I wanted something more lighthearted to read and so I stumbled upon this one. A story of a family taking a few months out of their life to write about family friendly attractions across the UK. It was exactly what I expected, funny in parts, and due to the authors Father contracting cancer, touching as well. It's nothing exceptional, but it's an easy enough read and at the end of it you feel you know the Hatch family really well - not a bad thing :)


So that's it for this month, I'm already well into the first of December's books and enjoying it immensely, so perhaps next months book blog will be a tad more interesting!

Ups and Downs!

December has so far been a bit busy! The 1st is always exciting as it's Hague's birthday, tight funds meant that we couldn't really uber-celebrate, but he loved his pressies (Two and a Half Men box set and a Karl Pilkington t-shirt). We managed to scrape together enough for a Chinese and some alkyhol and we had a lovely evening watching trillions of episodes of TAAHM :)

 Pressies!

The Birthday Boy!

The next day was a bit of a bummer. I woke up with a horrible sore throat and a headache, never fun - and it meant that I spent the day indoors rather than outside at the Christmas Fayre!
With the continuing down theme, I still felt rough on Saturday and despite getting up late was in bed at 8pm, partly as I felt poo and partly as we had to be up early to go to Barnsley so Dan could see his boys...

Sleepy, Grumpy Karen!

Unfortunately his youngest was a bit under the weather, and so Dan made the decision not to go up. It's not fair to drag a 6 year old who's feeling icky away from his Mum and then on buses, hopefully he'll see them next weekend.
Surprisingly we didn't go back to bed, despite being up at 7am, we'd both showered, and by the time Dan had made the decision it was past 8.30 and although we stayed in bed for a little while longer, sleep wasn't forthcoming and so we had that rarest of things....an entire Sunday spread before us, with nothing planned!
It made sense to finally head for the Christmas Fayre, it usually contains lots of foodie stalls with noms to taste and the odd crafty stall. This year was a bit naff to be honest, but it was being held in the church. Now, Great Yarmouth's Parish Church, St Nicholas is ENORMOUS, it's the largest Parish Church in England and as such it was rather lovely to have a wander around. There are displays and information boards all around the Church and we spent quite a while exploring and finding out little known facts...

1. The church was founded in 1101
2. Nelson returned in triumph after battles to the church to be blessed.
3. Bodies were stolen from the graveyard and taken down to London
4. In the 1500's 5 men were banned from the Church after bartering for Herring during a service.
5. The church was all but destroyed during WWII, but rebuilt in the 1960's

Fascinating :o) Of course I took lots of piccies too...

It truly is a beautiful Church, despite me being of Pagan persuasion, I can appreciate the beauty of the building and the various altars, chapels and windows.

So, not a bad morning at all really, add into that a rather impressive haul of 3, yes THREE fleeces and a bad day has turned out not so bad after all. Tonight we also have chocolate cake which was supposed to be a part of a birthday surprise for Hague, but now has to be eaten by us.....I've had worse days!

'Tis the season to spot fleeces...

Finally, I know I'm late with the Book Club, I have been a major slacker and only read 3 books this month (and I only finished one of those on the 3rd of December)....but I will let you know what I thought very soon!

I Had To Share

I found this through a link someone posted on FB. I had to share it, it's as simple as that.

http://community.thisiscentralstation.com/_Mysterious-paper-sculptures/blog/4991767/126249.html

I love living in a world where art and magic combine in such a truly selfless and beautiful way :)

A Surprisingly Good Day!

When I woke up this morning after not enough sleep the day didn't promise much...It was only 9am, and ahead of me was a meeting at work, a counselling session, trying to remember my Mum's enormous order for my company shop and trying to juggle the finances as I'd managed to leave the Sky bill out of the monthly budget :(

But...

The work meeting went well. My new manager (another one) seems to understand that my return has to be handled carefully and together we have worked out which days and shifts I'll be working. Planning ahead seems to be the key to keeping me calm and so this was a perfect way to achieve something quite difficult. So, I shall be returning to work on December 12th and right now, I feel just fine about that :)

My counsellor was up next, and she was really pleased with my progress. It will be my last face to face session with her, and she has helped me so much over the last couple of months - even a month ago returning to work seemed miles away, but now I'm well on the way to recovery, able to cope much better with problems and much closer to the person I thought had gone AWOL for good!

After such good results from unexpected places the draw of going into town to see the Christmas lights switched on was just too much to resist. I love Christmas, and I love fireworks and this evening the two combined. I rather like the fact that it is practically December as well before the council switched on the lights - keeping it relatively special. The marketplace was packed, and the mood was joyous, little children everywhere festooned with reindeer antlers, santa hats and various neon crapola :) I managed to forget my tripod, so any technically perfect pictures were never going to happen, but I liked the results.

Due to the lights being switched on, the shops were open late and so we were able to pick up another present, the list is getting much shorter now :) Finally, when you're out on a chilly night, all wrapped up, literally NOTHING warms you up like a portion of market chips, fresh, delicious and hot! Me and Hague got a portion each, and wooden forks in hand devoured the paper wrapped morsels of nom. Just sitting eating the chips next to Hague, all cosy and with his birthday tomorrow just made me happy. Happy that I have him, happy that my life is getting back on track and happy that simple Christmas lights and fireworks can still create childish wonder in me.

Being Thankful

I'm English, but in this ever decreasing world of ours I have friends all over the world, and as such I can't fail to acknowledge that today is the day our colonial friends celebrate Thanksgiving. Now I don't claim to know much about the whole Thanksgiving thing beyond turkeys, pilgrims and Indians, but taking time to give thanks for the good things in your life can't be a bad thing.
So here, to remind me that all is not darkness, are some of the things I am truly thankful for...

1. Hague, as always. The support of a partner is something beyond measure. There is a good reason that marriage vows have that richer/poorer and sickness/health malarky!
2. Boo and Flump. A house just isn't a home without pets, they bring so much love and want little in return. Nothing can calm me as quickly as a cuddle from one of the fluffy little monsters :)
3. My family.I've had ups and downs during my life with my family, I'l be the first to admit it...but over the last year or so they have been there for me in ways only family can be. Patient, understanding and caring, what more could I ask for?
4. My health - yes I've had health problems this year, but the treatment has been swift and I am definitely starting to feel that I'm on the up, I'm looking very much forward to getting back to work. Besides, looper status aside, the rest of me is pretty healthy :)
5. My friends. I am definitely of the quality over quantity camp when it comes to friends. I don't have hundreds, but the ones I do have are amazing. I know that if I need anything, if it's in their power they will help in any way they can. I am so very, very thankful for them, be they childhood friends, friends of long standing, or friends who are of the online variety. I love and cherish everyone of them.
6. My house. It may be scruffy, it may be in need of a tidy and needs a million little jobs doing - but - it's our home, it's warm, it's full of love and it has a pink elephant fairy hanging from the ceiling in the living room :)
7. Jenna and Carys. Yes they're family, but I feel they need their own category. The simple, unconditional love from little people is something truly wonderful, and to have two such loving, kind, sweet and beautiful little girls in my life is something I will always be thankful for.
8. Living by the sea. An odd thing maybe, but I love it. I am thankful that if I need some fresh, cleansing air I can be on the beach within 5 minutes. I can sit on the sand, hidden in the dunes and just listen to the sea, perfect peace, right on my doorstep!

So very much to be thankful for really. I hope I'm getting close to my optimistic, glass half full self and that my list of things to be thankful for will be even longer in 2012.

Gah! And Stuff!

We've been up in Barnsley for a few days. Hague was seeing his boys on Sunday, and then had a Family Court hearing on Wednesday. Now, petrol is ridiculously expensive and it takes a tank to do the journey there and back. It seemed sensible to spend that money on staying somewhere for those 3 nights and skipping the 350 miles of driving and so that's what we did :)

Good Points:

• The fog driving up - the light as the sun came up was so beautiful, and if we hadn't of been on a schedule I would have been constantly stopping to snap away!
• Getting to relax on a comfy bed whilst Dan saw the boys.
• Being able to chill out 3 hours earlier than normal - bliss!
• Treating ourselves to a lovely meal.
• The 3 hours spent in a state of utter relaxation.
• Finally getting the chance to take a light trails picture - and being really pleased with the result.
• Spending more time getting to know Dan's family :

I don't want to dwell on the bad points - there weren't many to be fair, and the ins and outs of the court hearing are not really to be discussed here as, much as I love the boys, I am merely a third party in the workings of the case.

We're now safely back home, Flumpy has attached herself to me, Boo is sleeping/sulking in her bed and we're trying to warm up after turning the heating off whilst we were away (BIG mistake lol). I was planning to once again change the url of this blog and turn off the google search after hearing (again) that I'm being "monitored" (again), but you know what? I'm not going to - I wouldn't write things here I wasn't happy with, I wouldn't share things I wasn't comfortable sharing, and so I shall leave things just as they are.

Optimistic

We had an early night last night, and I woke up rather early - however I am feeling quite happy today. I've had a bit of a morning, some time to myself to watch some old Come Dine With Me episode and to see the sun creep into the sky. Today looks as if it's going to be utterly glorious, right now the sky is blue and the sun is shining. I have an appointment with my counsellor at 12.30, but after that, the day is ours.

We have a tiny bit of spare cash, and so we are heading into town after my appointment, we have nothing planned but it will be nice to be out and about, especially if the sun keeps shining :)

It's a nice feeling to feel optimistic, enthusiastic and relaxed, with my time off work hopefully coming to an end before Christmas I've been told to get out and enjoy myself, make the most of the time off and get myself back to my old self, and for the first time in a while, that feels very do-able. It's a very good feeling, long may it continue :)

Remember

Today has had much fanfare due to the date, another numerical oddity 11/11/11 - however for me the 11th of November will always mean just one thing, Remembrance Day. Just two minutes are asked from your time to show respect and remember those who have died so that we may be free.

They shall not grow old as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.


www.poppy.org

Wanderings

The decision was made today that we would definitely get out of the house. It seems that we have been stuck indoors for too long and the pair of us have been going a little stir crazy. After seeing my counsellor we had a quick lunch and then set out.

With the aid of Google Maps, I spotted that just up the coast at Winterton-On-Sea there were miles of dunes leading up to the beach and so that was were we headed. Boo does love a snuffle through dunes and with the weather being kind again - someone really needs to tell the weather it's mid November lol - we had a lovely refreshing walk. Although I had forgotten how hard it is walking on sand, especially when you're hideously unfit lol!

The beach was gorgeous, mile upon mile of sand and the dunes had much more to explore, so we'll definitely be going back. Of course, Bayleigh adored her big long walk :)

We had to head back after an hour or so as the sun was starting to disappear, as we headed home I saw the brown sign I have passed tons of times before, for the Roman Fort at Caister. I've lived in Yarmouth for nearly 9 years now but had never taken the time to see the Fort, so a quick detour was decided upon!

The remains of the fort were discovered in the 1950's when the area was being cleared to build houses, and the ruins date back to around 200AD, so 1800 years old. Utterly phenomenal really, we explored for a good 20 minutes of so, just appreciating the sheer age of the path we were standing on. I'm so glad I finally managed to take a small meander out of the way to explore. Something tells me that if the weather stays kind we might just do some more exploring, especially as only a few miles away there is a larger, more well preserved Saxon Fort, another excuse to get out of the house and walk the little legs off of Bayleigh Boo methinks :)

 History - I loves it!

I think sometimes in the UK we forget just how rich in history this island is, every day I walk past buildings built hundreds of years ago and think nothing of it. I should really try to document some more of the history that is on my doorstep, for example, at the end of my road is a town wall dating back to the 1100's, and buildings in town almost as old. It's madness that I don't stop and appreciate it more.....can I feel a New Year resolution in the air?? Hmmmm.....

Bah Humbug?

It's November 7th. Guy Fawkes night has been and gone in a bright and noisy bang, the clocks have gone back and Autumn is definitely in the air, and under our feet as the leaves finally give up the ghost. The Royal British Legion have just launched this years Poppy Appeal and we are yet to commemorate those who gave so much on Remembrance Sunday. Hague's Birthday (December 1st) is weeks away.....

So why the hell is it suddenly "Christmas"???? My FB feed is full of Christmassy news, the television is practically wall to wall tinsel, baubles and snow on advert after advert trying to persuade us that that time is upon us once more. I even saw a house with its Christmas decorations up yesterday! Why on earth do we gear up for Christmas so early?

Getting your presents sorted I can understand, as you're getting the busiest bit out of the way - but do you really need to get your snacks, decorations and food sorted over 6 weeks beforehand? When I was younger Christmas wasn't even thought of this early. The tree went up a week or two before the big day, and my Mum used to claim that was too early. The excitement really started once school was finished and those last few days were just SO special, it seemed like the whole world had become magical for that short while leading up to Christmas Eve.

Compare that to now....Christmas is rammed down our throats before we've even celebrated Hallowe'en. The mince pies have use by dates in November. Adverts telling us that Christmas is around the corner have been on TV for weeks. I honestly get sick and tired of Christmas before we even reach December, it's no longer special, it's a bloated, over extended consumerist binge that has now extended for around 2 months rather than the magical Winter festival it should be.

As always I shall be made to feel like I'm leaving everything to the last minute as I buy my cards in December, put my decorations up on the 18th and get my last presents wrapped in the final week before Christmas Day. I want it to stay special, I want it to stay a magical few days. If the decorations are up so long you have to dust the buggers....that's too long!

Enjoy Autumn, enjoy November.....hell enjoy the first couple of weeks of Winter before you let Christmas intrude, whatever the reason for celebrating during this time of the year, be it Midwinter, Yule or Christmas, let it stay at that time of the year. Let it stay magical :)

Sleep

Sleep - it's one of those things that most of the population just take for granted. You feel tired, you go to bed and shortly afterwards you fall asleep for several hours. It's simple, one of the easiest things you can do as a human being, except if you're suffering from insomnia....

This is fairly close to how my life is at the moment, although for 2am, try 6am! I am trying my absolute hardest to get myself into some kind of routine. I've tried sleeping when I'm tired, whatever time that might be, which had me going up to sleep at about 5pm for a few hours and then being awake all night.

I've tried sleeping for most of the day, hoping that the following day I'd get up early and be able to get into a routine...nope, I just kept on sleeping.

Last night we went up at 3am, I wasn't that tired so I read until 5am, I still wasn't asleep at 6.30am when the "baby" (he's 2 1/2!) next door started screaming, shortly followed by his Mum shouting at him....7am came and went with no sleep. I finally dropped around 8am, to be woken up every couple of hours or so until I dragged myself out of bed at 3pm.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'm feeling down enough without sleeping my way through the precious few daylight hours we have at the moment, and yet even if I do sleep for most of the day I still feel utterly exhausted. No-one seems to understand that I'm not being lazy I am genuinely feeling shattered, and I'm not being clever in staying up all night, I desperately want to sleep, to nod off at midnight and wake up wonderfully refreshed at 8am.

I think the combination of DSPS and Stress/Depression has created in me a perfect storm, leading me to lead a half life of exhaustion, overtiredness and over sleeping. If I ever get into a reasonable sleep pattern again I shall never take sleep for granted. There is nothing lonelier than lying in bed for the whole night - hearing the world fall asleep around you whilst your eyes are still open and your mind alert, praying for sleep even as the world once again wakes up with you stuck in the limbo of insomnia.

October Book Club

Happy Samhain, or Hallowe'en, depending on your view! October is nearly over, the clocks have gone back and the depressingly dark afternoons are upon us.

As we're skint I haven't managed to carve a pumpkin, or even join in the celebrations with the ickle trick or treaters due to lack of funds :o( However, this is my monthly review of the books I've read, not as many as last month (I can hear your sighs of relief) but there are some Big Read ones in there! So here goes....

Coffin Dodgers - Gary Marshall
I got this one as a free download, although it's now 99p. The premise is fantastic - the population is ageing and young people just aren't giving birth anymore. The world has become geared to the rich, elderly population with precious little for the younger generation to do. A group of three friends who all work at a casino are young, disillusioned and suddenly they find themselves being targeted for murder....I did enjoy this book I must admit, the idea behind it is really original, and the writing is good, but ultimately I felt that the author could have done more with this gem of inspiration. The ending was too abrupt for me, I ended up wanting more - although is that a bad thing? Worth a look.

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
My first "Big Read" book and another freebie. I wasn't expecting to enjoy this at all. I thought it would be stilted and old fashioned and would have nothing to keep me interested. How wrong can you be about a book? I absolutely loved it! I was totally hooked on the story and thoroughly enjoyed discovering all the drama and twists and turns in the writing. I'm a convert. If you haven't read it already, and never fancied it, then give it a go, it costs nowt so what do you have to lose? It truly is fantastic.

The HitchHiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Another book from the Big Read list and one I have tried to read before. I really couldn't get into it previously but this time I wasn't going to give in. It WAS slow to begin with, but I persevered and ended up really enjoying it. I guess it's more of a boys book really, hence me not being grabbed by the constant sci-fi geekery but eventually the story came together and it provided me with a few chuckles, and I dove straight into the next book in the trilogy of five.

The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe - Douglas Adams
I couldn't wait to start reading this after really enjoying the first book, and it didn't disappoint, it was funny and much faster in pace at the start that the original. I loved the quirky little moments including the origins of humanity of Earth. It kept me hooked that's for sure, more so than the first and I was happily anticipating the third book (Life, The Universe And Everything). I sat down to read it and was disappointed in how slow it was to start....and how nothing happened.....and how dreary it was. I tried, I really did, but after getting 42% of the way through absolutely nothing was gripping me or enticing me to carry on and so I've given up on these for now. However, the book on the Big Read list is just the first, so I'm ticking it off lol!

You Might Be A Zombie And Other Bad News.. - Cracked.com
After forcing myself to try to finish the last book I needed something I could pick up and put down with ease, something funny and this book certainly did the trick. It's full of really bizarre and (allegedly) true facts, some are gobsmacking, some are amusing and most will have you leaning over to tell someone "listen to this!". If you like short, silly articles that are miles from being stuffy eg"textbooks frown on classifying animals as being of the genus F**kmassive holyshitbricks." then you'll love this! 


Demon: A Memoir - Tosca Lee
I hadn't heard of this author, or book but it had good reviews so I thought I'd give it a go. It's a very absorbing book, based on a Demon telling the tale of his life to Clay, an editor and how this affects Clay and his views of the world around him. I found it utterly intriguing, familiar tales from the bible are twisted to show them from a fallen Angel's point of view, giving it an almost disturbing feel. Questions of faith, mortality and humanity are raised in the discussions between the two and the emotions draw you in completely. It's a total page turner and as a Pagan who is interested in Theology I found it a very thoughtful read.

Feedback (A Vampire's Story) - Nick Spalding
Yes, I know...another Nick Spalding book lol, but what's a girl to do when it's a freebie download? A word of warning, if you're a Twilight fan you probably won't be a fan of this short story of a real vampire who decides to visit a best-selling author of vampire fiction who has romanticised the life they lead....It's a great little read, wee bit gory for some maybe, but that's not a problem for me! For nowt, I'd definitely recommend a download.

The Genesis Secret - Tom Knox
Another shot in the dark read, and oddly enough another one which gives a different view of familiar biblical stories. I guess this has more in common with Dan Brown than any other author, it's a whodunnit, race against time, finding the answer to an ancient question type story, although that's not a judgement on the story as I do quite enjoy a fast paced, far fetched page turner as much as the next person. I did enjoy this one, it had a good mix of historical information, teasers and the stories in it linked well, the only disappointment was the ending. I seem to have such an issue with endings, I get swept up in the tale, desperate to know how it will end, what we have been heading towards and so often recently I have been left really....I don't know.....deflated I guess by endings that seem so much less than the story promised. Don't let me put you off, it's a good read and I'll be reading more of his books.

Not as many as last month, that's for sure, but definitely some good books and I am totally torn as to which book was my favourite between Demon: A Memoir and Pride and Prejudice, two utterly different books but I became totally engrossed in both. As for the book I'd not bother with again...surely you can guess it's the one I didn't finish? lol!
As always, please leave a comment, whether you agree or disagree on my views or to recommend something you'll think I love :o)

Hyperbole And A Half

I love Allie Brosh's blog - Hyperbole and a Half. When I first discovered it I spent practically all day reading it, and most of that time with tears running down my face through the sheer amount of laughter it provoked. It's simply hilarious.

Allie has been very quiet for a few months - something that has made me very sad, but I presumed she was busy as her last post was about her being published.

She put up a new blog today. Obviously as you all know I'm currently suffering from depression. If you've never suffered from this sort of illness, it can be hard to understand what it's like, how it feels, and it's all too easy to just think "Oh snap out of it" or "Pull yourself together". Depression isn't always caused by something tangible, it's not always the fallout from the crash when you hit rock bottom - sometimes it just sneaks up on you. However it starts, it's just as debilitating, and just as much an illness. Allie's blog really explains what it's like to suffer from depression. Please take a look...

Hyperbole And A Half (linky)

(Picture from Allie's blog)

Where To Begin?

Recently it seems that life has been determined to keep us down and depressed. Everything in the last few months seems to have been delicately designed to made life harder for me and Hague. It's got to the point of me being signed off work with stress and depression and our shopping budget being squeezed down to the point of £30 a week with no money for anything resembling a social life. Life has been hard, and as such any little chink of happiness is gladly taken and enjoyed.

Therefore when I woke up this morning to even more notifications from the 365 project website regarding my ladybird picture from yesterday, it put a smile on my face. When my photos are liked it always makes me happy, but today when I logged on, for the first time ever, my picture had made the website's Popular Page! I've never managed it before and it certainly did make me extremely happy that such a lovely little shot had got such recognition :)

Oooh look at me I'm all Popular!

I love those little ladybirds now! :o)









As I'm sure you can imagine I was massively happy about this (little things please little minds after all). The day was therefore already officially A Good One. When Hague got up to make a phone call I thought little of it, after all job hunting is well and truly part of the regular routine. However, this time when he got off the phone, the news was good to say the least. He had called Pulse, the company he had an interview with yesterday in response to an email......an email asking for him to send in some additional information.....as they were offering him the job!!

I'm sure if you've read my blog in any way shape or form you'll know the struggle we've had since his last job ended in May, this was then compounded by my redundancy, so today's news really is like manna from heaven. The sort of news that you have to actually stop to take in as you daren't believe that the wonderful news you've been hoping for has actually happened.

So there you go! Subject to a CRB check, Hague has gone and got himself a job, so he can once again support his boys financially and we can once again have some breathing room in our monthly budget, and he can finally carry on with his fledgling career in the care industry. I am also "popular", so this is a day I'd like to remember for a while, the Cheshire Cat smile that won't leave my face, the light feeling that has suddenly appeared around us both and the gorgeous, indistinct glimmers of optimism that we have allowed to enter our hearts and minds today - and hopefully for more days going forward :o)

Loveliness!

Today has been quite interesting so far. We were up early as Hague had a job interview (fingers crossed please!). The job sounds right up his street, and will mean he can continue with his NVQ in Health and Social Care, so it would be perfect if he got it.

The interview was a bit out of the way, just outside Norwich, but the scenery was beautiful. Rolling fields and enormous, ancient Oak's, plus tons of squirrels! Whilst Hague was getting grilled, I grabbed the opportunity that a few minutes between showers presented to me and had a good wander about with the camera. I rather enjoyed taking photographs of the grounds, and the lovely Autumnal colours everywhere - despite the miserable weather.

Whilst taking some pictures I noticed a little ladybird on one of the fenceposts and got nice and close to take a picture, as the contrast between the bright red and the damp wood of the post was quite striking, and the addition of the rain drops made it a perfect subject...

After I'd taken this one, I went to take a photo from another angle and found what can only be described as a big 'ol pile of the little buggers! They looks so cute that I had to take some more pictures :o)

Aren't they adorable? Apparently they usually only live in small groups, four or five together, but in this picture there are nine - and those are just the ones I can see! Of course such a discovery means time is spent online researching the ins and outs of Ladybirds, and so I can also say that as well as finding a wonderful subject for my picture of the day, I have also learned the name for a collective of Ladybirds......a Loveliness...isn't that just perfect?

(I hope those fingers are still crossed!)

Wonkey Old Day

Today has been an odd one. I've been dreading it all week as I've had to "pop in" to work so I can have a get together with my old manager and my new one, so we can discuss my welfare, and my return to work. I also had two counsellor appointments - overkill maybe, but my work one and my NHS one had both booked on the same day...I'm sure you can understand why today has been looming large in my mind in a big and scary way.

The work meeting was the one I really wasn't looking forward to, and in the end my gut instincts were right, despite their own healthcare people informing them I still wasn't fit for work they were expecting me back. It's not nice to feel that you have to justify your health and absence to people who claim to have your best interests at heart and then don't even listen to the people they employ to help *sigh*

However, on the way home, the sky was blue, and I guess I was relieved at finally having the meeting out of the way. To really get me into a better mood I decided I was going to stop on the way home, and take advantage of the lovely day and the spare time to take some photos, so me and Hague stopped at the windmill I pass every day (when I'm working) but have yet to photograph! It was lovely to walk in the sun and enjoy the view of the river and then say hello to the ponies, goats and wonkeys (aka donkeys) that live near the windmill.

I'm sure you can imagine how wonderful it was to have the sun on my face, a river on one side, a windmill behind us, swans on the pond and to be surrounded by the warmth and friendliness of animals well used to people fussing them. Just for a little while every problem was forgotten.

So from the worst of beginnings, with barely any sleep and a Meeting Of Doom through a memorable afternoon and to now...snuggled up on the sofa, surrounded by (even more) animals and with Hague and I enjoying some candlelight it's definitely been a Flippy Floppy Wonkey kind of day! :o)

The Big Question

It's that time of year again. The clocks will be going back soon, the nights are drawing in and after our delightful few days of Indian Summer weather the temperature is beginning to drop. As such that question, that huge question starts to rear its ugly head....

"Shall we put the heating on?"

I'm sure for most people that decision is made purely on how cold they are, in this house however money is ALWAYS an issue, and the difference between a Summer and Winter gas bill is around £75, not a small amount by any stretch of the imagination, and that was before this year's price hikes from all the energy suppliers. In our case, the first stirrings of the question are met with the closing of doors and windows, and the bolting shut of the garage door to stop any drafts.

The next step is the Adding Of The Layers which is the step we reached today. The trusty fluffy socks are on, as is a nice comfy cardie type thing.

There are many more steps in The Resistance, including blankets to wrap up in, candles lit, curtains closed and the bigger duvet, but for now The Resistance is strong, and we shan't be giving in anytime soon - barring snowstorms of course!!

An Attack of the Meh's

I have no other excuse for not blogging in ages other than being in a bit of a meh and bleh mood in general. This week seems to be disappearing so fast that the days are blurring into each other. Although the amount of sleep my body seems to need certainly helps to eat into the days!

So here, in a nutshell, are the last 7 days...
Discovered the utter bargain of 60 mini desserty type things at Asda.
Finally reading one of the "classics" Pride and Prejudice, and really enjoying it.
Enjoying the gorgeous Autumn colours that are appearing rapidly all over the country.
Getting the door painted red at last (and the rest will be done as soon as the weather allows).
Having a wonderful night with Hague, watching TV, films and getting out the Old Skool toonage ;)

I guess things have been a bit lacklustre due to the lack of funds, as always the last week or so before payday are spent scrimping and scraping, but tomorrow is payday and so we have some things to look forward to this weekend.

A Lush party - a chance to see all the new goodies (even if I can't actually buy any).
A wedding - what's not to love about a wedding?
Reading the rest of the Hitchhiker's books.
Starting to ponder Crimble shopping and what to get everyone!

I guess my life has just not been interesting enough to blog about this week, too much time reading and not enough time doing anything else! Whoops! 

I Love Reading

I'm sure you're not surprised to read that title. I've always loved it, and am always reading. However, my reading tastes tend to veer towards horror, sci fi, chick lit and thrillers. I am sorely lacking in having read any "classics"

There are many top 100 book lists out there, but the one that I suppose is clearest in my mind is the BBC Big Read one, I can remember the programmes on television, and being a bit disappointed in myself that I hadn't read more of the books on the list. Only the popular or children's one seem to have crossed my reading radar.

Ever since the programmes aired, I decided to myself that one day I would do my best to read more of those books. I found the list online and have marked the books I've read (in green) and the books I tried to read but didn't finish (in yellow). As you can see (here) I am woefully lacking. With just 19 books of the 100 read.

I am determined to read more. I have several on my Kindle as they are open source so with the list as my guide I shall endeavour to widen my reading horizons - and hopefully discover some favourites among those 70+ undiscovered treasures :)