I Had To Share

I found this through a link someone posted on FB. I had to share it, it's as simple as that.

http://community.thisiscentralstation.com/_Mysterious-paper-sculptures/blog/4991767/126249.html

I love living in a world where art and magic combine in such a truly selfless and beautiful way :)

A Surprisingly Good Day!

When I woke up this morning after not enough sleep the day didn't promise much...It was only 9am, and ahead of me was a meeting at work, a counselling session, trying to remember my Mum's enormous order for my company shop and trying to juggle the finances as I'd managed to leave the Sky bill out of the monthly budget :(

But...

The work meeting went well. My new manager (another one) seems to understand that my return has to be handled carefully and together we have worked out which days and shifts I'll be working. Planning ahead seems to be the key to keeping me calm and so this was a perfect way to achieve something quite difficult. So, I shall be returning to work on December 12th and right now, I feel just fine about that :)

My counsellor was up next, and she was really pleased with my progress. It will be my last face to face session with her, and she has helped me so much over the last couple of months - even a month ago returning to work seemed miles away, but now I'm well on the way to recovery, able to cope much better with problems and much closer to the person I thought had gone AWOL for good!

After such good results from unexpected places the draw of going into town to see the Christmas lights switched on was just too much to resist. I love Christmas, and I love fireworks and this evening the two combined. I rather like the fact that it is practically December as well before the council switched on the lights - keeping it relatively special. The marketplace was packed, and the mood was joyous, little children everywhere festooned with reindeer antlers, santa hats and various neon crapola :) I managed to forget my tripod, so any technically perfect pictures were never going to happen, but I liked the results.

Due to the lights being switched on, the shops were open late and so we were able to pick up another present, the list is getting much shorter now :) Finally, when you're out on a chilly night, all wrapped up, literally NOTHING warms you up like a portion of market chips, fresh, delicious and hot! Me and Hague got a portion each, and wooden forks in hand devoured the paper wrapped morsels of nom. Just sitting eating the chips next to Hague, all cosy and with his birthday tomorrow just made me happy. Happy that I have him, happy that my life is getting back on track and happy that simple Christmas lights and fireworks can still create childish wonder in me.

Being Thankful

I'm English, but in this ever decreasing world of ours I have friends all over the world, and as such I can't fail to acknowledge that today is the day our colonial friends celebrate Thanksgiving. Now I don't claim to know much about the whole Thanksgiving thing beyond turkeys, pilgrims and Indians, but taking time to give thanks for the good things in your life can't be a bad thing.
So here, to remind me that all is not darkness, are some of the things I am truly thankful for...

1. Hague, as always. The support of a partner is something beyond measure. There is a good reason that marriage vows have that richer/poorer and sickness/health malarky!
2. Boo and Flump. A house just isn't a home without pets, they bring so much love and want little in return. Nothing can calm me as quickly as a cuddle from one of the fluffy little monsters :)
3. My family.I've had ups and downs during my life with my family, I'l be the first to admit it...but over the last year or so they have been there for me in ways only family can be. Patient, understanding and caring, what more could I ask for?
4. My health - yes I've had health problems this year, but the treatment has been swift and I am definitely starting to feel that I'm on the up, I'm looking very much forward to getting back to work. Besides, looper status aside, the rest of me is pretty healthy :)
5. My friends. I am definitely of the quality over quantity camp when it comes to friends. I don't have hundreds, but the ones I do have are amazing. I know that if I need anything, if it's in their power they will help in any way they can. I am so very, very thankful for them, be they childhood friends, friends of long standing, or friends who are of the online variety. I love and cherish everyone of them.
6. My house. It may be scruffy, it may be in need of a tidy and needs a million little jobs doing - but - it's our home, it's warm, it's full of love and it has a pink elephant fairy hanging from the ceiling in the living room :)
7. Jenna and Carys. Yes they're family, but I feel they need their own category. The simple, unconditional love from little people is something truly wonderful, and to have two such loving, kind, sweet and beautiful little girls in my life is something I will always be thankful for.
8. Living by the sea. An odd thing maybe, but I love it. I am thankful that if I need some fresh, cleansing air I can be on the beach within 5 minutes. I can sit on the sand, hidden in the dunes and just listen to the sea, perfect peace, right on my doorstep!

So very much to be thankful for really. I hope I'm getting close to my optimistic, glass half full self and that my list of things to be thankful for will be even longer in 2012.

Gah! And Stuff!

We've been up in Barnsley for a few days. Hague was seeing his boys on Sunday, and then had a Family Court hearing on Wednesday. Now, petrol is ridiculously expensive and it takes a tank to do the journey there and back. It seemed sensible to spend that money on staying somewhere for those 3 nights and skipping the 350 miles of driving and so that's what we did :)

Good Points:

• The fog driving up - the light as the sun came up was so beautiful, and if we hadn't of been on a schedule I would have been constantly stopping to snap away!
• Getting to relax on a comfy bed whilst Dan saw the boys.
• Being able to chill out 3 hours earlier than normal - bliss!
• Treating ourselves to a lovely meal.
• The 3 hours spent in a state of utter relaxation.
• Finally getting the chance to take a light trails picture - and being really pleased with the result.
• Spending more time getting to know Dan's family :

I don't want to dwell on the bad points - there weren't many to be fair, and the ins and outs of the court hearing are not really to be discussed here as, much as I love the boys, I am merely a third party in the workings of the case.

We're now safely back home, Flumpy has attached herself to me, Boo is sleeping/sulking in her bed and we're trying to warm up after turning the heating off whilst we were away (BIG mistake lol). I was planning to once again change the url of this blog and turn off the google search after hearing (again) that I'm being "monitored" (again), but you know what? I'm not going to - I wouldn't write things here I wasn't happy with, I wouldn't share things I wasn't comfortable sharing, and so I shall leave things just as they are.

Optimistic

We had an early night last night, and I woke up rather early - however I am feeling quite happy today. I've had a bit of a morning, some time to myself to watch some old Come Dine With Me episode and to see the sun creep into the sky. Today looks as if it's going to be utterly glorious, right now the sky is blue and the sun is shining. I have an appointment with my counsellor at 12.30, but after that, the day is ours.

We have a tiny bit of spare cash, and so we are heading into town after my appointment, we have nothing planned but it will be nice to be out and about, especially if the sun keeps shining :)

It's a nice feeling to feel optimistic, enthusiastic and relaxed, with my time off work hopefully coming to an end before Christmas I've been told to get out and enjoy myself, make the most of the time off and get myself back to my old self, and for the first time in a while, that feels very do-able. It's a very good feeling, long may it continue :)

Remember

Today has had much fanfare due to the date, another numerical oddity 11/11/11 - however for me the 11th of November will always mean just one thing, Remembrance Day. Just two minutes are asked from your time to show respect and remember those who have died so that we may be free.

They shall not grow old as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.


www.poppy.org

Wanderings

The decision was made today that we would definitely get out of the house. It seems that we have been stuck indoors for too long and the pair of us have been going a little stir crazy. After seeing my counsellor we had a quick lunch and then set out.

With the aid of Google Maps, I spotted that just up the coast at Winterton-On-Sea there were miles of dunes leading up to the beach and so that was were we headed. Boo does love a snuffle through dunes and with the weather being kind again - someone really needs to tell the weather it's mid November lol - we had a lovely refreshing walk. Although I had forgotten how hard it is walking on sand, especially when you're hideously unfit lol!

The beach was gorgeous, mile upon mile of sand and the dunes had much more to explore, so we'll definitely be going back. Of course, Bayleigh adored her big long walk :)

We had to head back after an hour or so as the sun was starting to disappear, as we headed home I saw the brown sign I have passed tons of times before, for the Roman Fort at Caister. I've lived in Yarmouth for nearly 9 years now but had never taken the time to see the Fort, so a quick detour was decided upon!

The remains of the fort were discovered in the 1950's when the area was being cleared to build houses, and the ruins date back to around 200AD, so 1800 years old. Utterly phenomenal really, we explored for a good 20 minutes of so, just appreciating the sheer age of the path we were standing on. I'm so glad I finally managed to take a small meander out of the way to explore. Something tells me that if the weather stays kind we might just do some more exploring, especially as only a few miles away there is a larger, more well preserved Saxon Fort, another excuse to get out of the house and walk the little legs off of Bayleigh Boo methinks :)

 History - I loves it!

I think sometimes in the UK we forget just how rich in history this island is, every day I walk past buildings built hundreds of years ago and think nothing of it. I should really try to document some more of the history that is on my doorstep, for example, at the end of my road is a town wall dating back to the 1100's, and buildings in town almost as old. It's madness that I don't stop and appreciate it more.....can I feel a New Year resolution in the air?? Hmmmm.....

Bah Humbug?

It's November 7th. Guy Fawkes night has been and gone in a bright and noisy bang, the clocks have gone back and Autumn is definitely in the air, and under our feet as the leaves finally give up the ghost. The Royal British Legion have just launched this years Poppy Appeal and we are yet to commemorate those who gave so much on Remembrance Sunday. Hague's Birthday (December 1st) is weeks away.....

So why the hell is it suddenly "Christmas"???? My FB feed is full of Christmassy news, the television is practically wall to wall tinsel, baubles and snow on advert after advert trying to persuade us that that time is upon us once more. I even saw a house with its Christmas decorations up yesterday! Why on earth do we gear up for Christmas so early?

Getting your presents sorted I can understand, as you're getting the busiest bit out of the way - but do you really need to get your snacks, decorations and food sorted over 6 weeks beforehand? When I was younger Christmas wasn't even thought of this early. The tree went up a week or two before the big day, and my Mum used to claim that was too early. The excitement really started once school was finished and those last few days were just SO special, it seemed like the whole world had become magical for that short while leading up to Christmas Eve.

Compare that to now....Christmas is rammed down our throats before we've even celebrated Hallowe'en. The mince pies have use by dates in November. Adverts telling us that Christmas is around the corner have been on TV for weeks. I honestly get sick and tired of Christmas before we even reach December, it's no longer special, it's a bloated, over extended consumerist binge that has now extended for around 2 months rather than the magical Winter festival it should be.

As always I shall be made to feel like I'm leaving everything to the last minute as I buy my cards in December, put my decorations up on the 18th and get my last presents wrapped in the final week before Christmas Day. I want it to stay special, I want it to stay a magical few days. If the decorations are up so long you have to dust the buggers....that's too long!

Enjoy Autumn, enjoy November.....hell enjoy the first couple of weeks of Winter before you let Christmas intrude, whatever the reason for celebrating during this time of the year, be it Midwinter, Yule or Christmas, let it stay at that time of the year. Let it stay magical :)

Sleep

Sleep - it's one of those things that most of the population just take for granted. You feel tired, you go to bed and shortly afterwards you fall asleep for several hours. It's simple, one of the easiest things you can do as a human being, except if you're suffering from insomnia....

This is fairly close to how my life is at the moment, although for 2am, try 6am! I am trying my absolute hardest to get myself into some kind of routine. I've tried sleeping when I'm tired, whatever time that might be, which had me going up to sleep at about 5pm for a few hours and then being awake all night.

I've tried sleeping for most of the day, hoping that the following day I'd get up early and be able to get into a routine...nope, I just kept on sleeping.

Last night we went up at 3am, I wasn't that tired so I read until 5am, I still wasn't asleep at 6.30am when the "baby" (he's 2 1/2!) next door started screaming, shortly followed by his Mum shouting at him....7am came and went with no sleep. I finally dropped around 8am, to be woken up every couple of hours or so until I dragged myself out of bed at 3pm.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'm feeling down enough without sleeping my way through the precious few daylight hours we have at the moment, and yet even if I do sleep for most of the day I still feel utterly exhausted. No-one seems to understand that I'm not being lazy I am genuinely feeling shattered, and I'm not being clever in staying up all night, I desperately want to sleep, to nod off at midnight and wake up wonderfully refreshed at 8am.

I think the combination of DSPS and Stress/Depression has created in me a perfect storm, leading me to lead a half life of exhaustion, overtiredness and over sleeping. If I ever get into a reasonable sleep pattern again I shall never take sleep for granted. There is nothing lonelier than lying in bed for the whole night - hearing the world fall asleep around you whilst your eyes are still open and your mind alert, praying for sleep even as the world once again wakes up with you stuck in the limbo of insomnia.