Saturday 5 November 2011

Sleep

Sleep - it's one of those things that most of the population just take for granted. You feel tired, you go to bed and shortly afterwards you fall asleep for several hours. It's simple, one of the easiest things you can do as a human being, except if you're suffering from insomnia....


This is fairly close to how my life is at the moment, although for 2am, try 6am! I am trying my absolute hardest to get myself into some kind of routine. I've tried sleeping when I'm tired, whatever time that might be, which had me going up to sleep at about 5pm for a few hours and then being awake all night.

I've tried sleeping for most of the day, hoping that the following day I'd get up early and be able to get into a routine...nope, I just kept on sleeping.

Last night we went up at 3am, I wasn't that tired so I read until 5am, I still wasn't asleep at 6.30am when the "baby" (he's 2 1/2!) next door started screaming, shortly followed by his Mum shouting at him....7am came and went with no sleep. I finally dropped around 8am, to be woken up every couple of hours or so until I dragged myself out of bed at 3pm.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'm feeling down enough without sleeping my way through the precious few daylight hours we have at the moment, and yet even if I do sleep for most of the day I still feel utterly exhausted. No-one seems to understand that I'm not being lazy I am genuinely feeling shattered, and I'm not being clever in staying up all night, I desperately want to sleep, to nod off at midnight and wake up wonderfully refreshed at 8am.

I think the combination of DSPS and Stress/Depression has created in me a perfect storm, leading me to lead a half life of exhaustion, overtiredness and over sleeping. If I ever get into a reasonable sleep pattern again I shall never take sleep for granted. There is nothing lonelier than lying in bed for the whole night - hearing the world fall asleep around you whilst your eyes are still open and your mind alert, praying for sleep even as the world once again wakes up with you stuck in the limbo of insomnia.



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