Backwards and Forwards

Well what else did you expect on New Years Eve? lol! 


2010 wasn't a good year for a multitude of reasons, in fact, I'd say it was probably one of the worst years I've had. A bold statement maybe, but sadly it's the truth. However, there were some wonderful moments during the year, and it will be those I will keep in mind. Dan finding a perfect job, me getting a promotion and the ever growing, ever changing nature of our relationship which just keeps getting better.


As I said, I'll be glad to see the back of this year, but it's years like this that make you a stronger, better person I think. When you get yourself through the hard times, it makes you enjoy the good times all the more, makes you take that little bit more out of each experience, just in case there is a pothole around the corner.


I'm feeling optimistic about next year, I have set myself a few challenges for the year ahead, I've already blogged about Project 365 and losing weight, but we are also saving for a sofa (exciting I know), I am planning to take a photography course and Dan will be heading back to work at last after his surgery. I don't normally like making resolutions, but the time feels right to pick myself up after 2010 and work on some positives :)


I hope that 2011 is a wonderful year for you all, and brings you whatever you wish for. Keep a positive attitude and don't let the bastards grind you down! Happy New Year! xx

Well That Was Christmas :)

And what a fabulous Christmas it's been so far :) I'm so glad I took Christmas Eve off, as we had a lovely day, and every day since has been good. I can't think of a single low point.
Minor frustrations have stayed just that!! Christmas Day was typical, lots of food, drink and presents with The Parentals. Jenna and Carys were adorable as usual, my parents were enormously generous with gifts and my Mum, as is customary, overcatered massively! I was really pleased that everyone liked their presents as well, we don't have a huge amount of spare cash, so couldn't spend fortunes, so bought personalised gifts for most - the photo calendars were a huge hit with my Sister and Mum, and my Nan seemed to love the photo of the four generations of our family that I had framed for her. Sometimes the simple presents are the best, and the reaction from everyone was well worth the time it took to put the calendars together for them. We even came home to no accidents from The Menagerie!


Boxing Day was in a similar vein, albeit without the roast dinner, but snacky foods which allowed us to graze all day. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with family over Christmas, and it was probably one of the best I can remember of recent years!


Since then we have been at home, Mum gave us a doggie bag on Boxing Day which has kept us in food since then, and we have been working our way through the Carry On box set Dan got for Christmas from my Parents. It's been lovely to be able to chill out together for a few days, having a few drinks and relaxing together, with nothing to do! Heaven!


I have a few things to get sorted in the next few days, a bit of a back to earth of sorts I suppose, but nothing too major, and Friday is the day when we are planning to hit the sales with our Christmas vouchers, and treat ourselves to lunch with more vouchers lol!


I suppose I'd better make the most of it.....I have decided to return to Slimming World on January 3rd, so keep an eye out for a new ticker, hopefully heading downwards all through 2011!


The Big Old List of "What We Got"
Wii Fit Plus
£220 towards our sofa fund
Lush Gift Box
Cinders Ballistics
Russell Brand's Book (well two of them...but these things happen at Christmas lol)
Raving Rabbids Game
West Ham vs Man U programme
2 Raving Rabbids figures
£50 in Love to Shop vouchers
Dinosaur Money Box
Necklace/Watch
Shortbread


PS3 F1 game
Carry On box set
The Expendables on Blu Ray
CK 1
Barnsley Shirt
T-shirt


Amazingly generous, and all greatly appreciated! :)

Christmas!

I'm all done :) It's midday on Christmas Eve and I am now ready. The family cards are written, the last present is wrapped, the shopping for the festive period is all done (and Asda wasn't even that busy), so I'm now able to relax and well and truly enjoy Christmas!


I love Christmas, not the religious aspect, as I'm not Christian, but the whole feeling that is seems to induce in people. Everyone seems smilier, kinder and more likely to do something nice for others. We came in from shopping to a text from Dan's ex asking if he'd like to talk to his youngest today as he was poorly yesterday, a small thing, but one which has really lifted Dan's spirits. What's not to love about a season that seems to bring out all that is good in people? I am now in happy tears after that call. To hear the boys so excited about Christmas and then to hear them singing We Wish You A Merry Christmas has made my Christmas, it was absolutely wonderful. All due to a simple, kind act - Christmas Spirit in action :o)


Today will be spent relaxing, watching the Christmassy fare on television before the huge blow out that Christmas Day will be. I can't wait to be bombarded with Jenna and Carys telling me all about what presents Father Christmas left for them, and playing with just about all of them over the course of the day!


Christmas at The Parentals is traditional, with Turkey, TV and way, way too much food - and I can't wait :)


I hope you all (whoever you may be) have a wonderful Festive Season, regardless of belief, religion or circumstance. Peace, Love and Goodwill to you all xx

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!

It most certainly is! I have made a last minute decision to take Christmas Eve off, so as of 4pm today.......IT'S CHRISTMAS! I am really excited this year, so is Hague, and I think we're rubbing off on each other!


He is very shortly going to talk to his wonderful boys, and I'm sure he will get lots of excited talk of Father Christmas and snow! I can't wait to hear them! 


After that call, we shall be settling into Christmas mode! I have 11 days away from work - and I shall be enjoying every single minute of those 11 days!


SO overexcited!!! lol!!!

The 365 Project

If you read my blog regularly you may have noticed the little block of Christmassy pictures that has appeared over there *points to the right* labelled Project 365.

One of my friends on Facebook has undertaken the 365 Project this year - quite a few started it, but she has carried it on all year. I found myself watching for her photos being posted every day, and the idea to start the project myself has been whirling around in my head for several months now.

Every month that passed, on the 1st I pondered starting, but it didn't feel right, but of course, the 1st of January is almost upon us, and so it's the perfect time in my mind to start.

I don't have any themes in mind, I just like the idea of charting every day with a photo of some kind. I know some days it will be a quick snapshot to get a little tick on my internal 365 scorecard, but I'm hoping those days are minimal. I want to try and make each image count, be a record of that day for me. I think I might end up putting them all in a photo book at the end of the year as well.

If I do manage to get the funds together to take the Digital Photography course I have my eye on next year, I hope that I will be able to see a distinct improvement in the pictures I'm taking as well.

So....keep an eye on the little box, from January 1st, there should be a new photo appearing every day! Check me out....a hobby and evryfing? I must be growing up!

Nice Things

Today is Monday, not known for being nice, but there have been niceties in my day so I felt like sharing them :o)

These flowers were given to me on Saturday as a thank you for organising the work party. It was totally unexpected and as I type this they are filling the room with a gorgeous scent, something quite rare from flowers these days, and most definitely a nicety!


The weather at the moment is shockingly cold, well into minus figures so due to the faulty garage door I have to defrost the car, however, driving into work showed me the upside to this sort of temperature. The branches of all the trees were frosted, it wasn't snow on them, they were just covered in a very thick layer of frost - as the frost sparkled in the sunlight the trees just looked stunningly beautiful. Another reminder that I really should take my camera with me everywhere.


I came home to a lovely warm cooked dinner, to a beautiful card from Hague and presents under the tree! Five of them!! To an overgrown, overexcitable immature person like me, this is beyond exciting, and of course very nice indeed!


As I sit here, watching Gremlins, getting cuddled by our cat, surrounded by fairy lights and on the receiving end of a lovely smile from the man I love, I think I can put today down as a nice day all round really :o)

Christmas Spirit arrives at last!

It's less than a week until Christmas and I have finally got the decorations up in the house! This is even more slack when you realise that as a Pagan, I actually celebrate Yule on the 21st, so I'm only just in time ;o)


Regardless of lateness, the house is now looking suitably festive, sparkly and twinkly!  We have 2 trees, 5 separate sets of lights, countless baubles and holly bunches, one singing snowman and a cheesily cute Nativity scene. I think we can safely say Christmas has arrived :o)


It's given me an excuse to have a bit of a play with my camera as well, as I'm hoping to manage a 365 project next year (a photo a day for a year), I'm starting to use my camera a lot more to see what it can do, and what I can do with it!


Looking round the living room now I'm certainly starting to feel the Christmas excitement arriving. I have a mere 5 days of work left, just a few pressies left to wrap and then I'm done, and I can enjoy 10 days away from work, relaxing, celebrating, and spending time with family and loved ones. Which to me, regardless of religion is pretty much the point of this time of year!

Stepping Back

I may come across as someone who is a bit silly, a bit scatty and even childish at times, but I have a worrying control freak side to me.
I tend not to worry about things I can do nothing about, but if I can influence the outcome then I will worry, and worry to a ridiculous degree.
It started off with my ex, who needed encouragement to do anything, as his default setting was not to do a lot. So I would find myself taking the lead, encouraging, cajoling and let's be honest here, nagging to ensure things were done, in the end, it's normally easier just to do it yourself.

Now, I'm with Dan, and much as I love him, he can be someone who will quite happily put his head in the sand about problems and issues if they start to spiral out of control. I know why he is like this, but couldn't deal with being the driving force behind another man and between us we have managed to turn that negative attribute around.

However, much as Dan will now deal with the majority of his problems himself, I still find it hard to stop myself from asking, pushing and encouraging him when he has to deal with something nasty, hard or emotionally draining. This is what has been pushing me over the edge and I now know that I need to step back. It's a simple thing to say, but such a hard thing to actually do! I have such a fear that if I don't push, things won't get done, that passivity will become second nature again for Dan when he has pushed himself further with dealing with things that I have ever seen him.

I think a lot of this boils down to the fact that I know he does still find some things hard, so I want to be there to help him in anyway that I possibly can, and by doing this we have already achieved a hell of a lot together, however, the time has now come for me to ease off the control. I need to believe that if something is important to Dan he will do it for himself, he doesn't need his hand holding, he is a grown man and is more than capable of dealing with any dragons that may appear in his life.

I guess this is what counselling is for, to make you think about your behaviour, and see how it causes self inflicted problems. It has made me think about where the fine line is between support and control, between concern and worrying to such a level that it makes you ill. It has already stopped me doing things which served no purpose other than to upset me, and hopefully will give me a more grounded attitude to dealing with the unpleasantness that life sometimes dishes out. Veering wildly between over optimism and crushing defeatist depression is not a good way of coping!

I can already feel optimism starting to grow again inside me, there is a small spark of the start of a positive attitude, and with the New Year hurtling towards us, it feels like a good place to start :o)

Time is running out......*panic mode*

Christmas seems to be creeping up on me quite quickly. I've not yet finished buying all the presents, the ones I have managed to purchase aren't wrapped. The tree isn't up, the decorations aren't out. I've not even managed to write the Christmas card list, let alone the actual cards! I have 10 days left. I'm working for 8 of them. I am hideously under prepared for a day that should come as no surprise - falling as it does on the same day each year!!


You'd have thought I'd have learnt by now, but I always seem to end up like this, wondering how the hell it's half way through December with me wandering around wondering why Norwich and the supermarkets are SO insanely busy before taking an unwelcome reality check to realise that yes....it really is the 14th of December, I really AM running out of time to get my arse in gear and get my small contribution to the festive spirit sorted out!!


*panics a wee bit more* I think I need a Christmas Fairy Godmother!!

I like it a lot!

After yesterday's blog about my stats - I had a think about the people reading my blog and realised although it's full of my random little days and thoughts, it doesn't contain a lot of information about me - and as my profile is a bit scant I thought I'd post some of my likes :o)

Hopefully it will be interesting for some of my far flung readers to learn a bit more about the person behind my WeirdHeadSpace. Of course, I could have just one reader, hiding behind proxy servers, determined to read whatever inane waffling I post for some reason known only to themselves. I have decided to optimistically cater for the far flung, interesting option A, rather than the sadly pathetic and frankly depressing option B!

So here we go....the random likes, in no particular order, of the MinxyMissKGirl!

1. Hague (the Daniel flavoured one)
2. Snow
3. Rainbows
4. The little people in my life, Jenna, Carys, and Dan's boys (always in my heart if not always in my presence)
5. Living by the sea
6. Walking on the beach
7. The varied animals of The Menagerie
8. Beatiful shoes
9. Beautiful handbags
10. Snuggling in bed
11. The poster on our bedroom door
12. Watching films
13. Being cosy
14. Eating out
15. Italian food
16. Cocktails (especially good Margaritas)
17. Jack Daniels
18. Corsets
19. Stockings and Suspenders
20. 50's style retro clothing
21. Pigtails
22. Mascara (and the never-ending search for the perfect one)
23. Facebook
24. Taking photographs
25. Baking
26. Listening to music
27. Dancing
28. Shopping
29. Lush
30. Vintage jewellery
31. Tattoos
32. Piercings
33. Being silly
34. Cuddles
35. Proper, full on snogging

I think that might be enough for now - a like for every year of my life so far, and a blog that has had me smiling as I type it, so it's all good :o)

Don't be shy!

As I've blogged before, I am fascinated by the Stats page on Blogger. My current figures show that the majority of my views are in the UK, which isn't that surprising to me - but I've had views from 9 other countries as well, including Russia and Israel!


I'd love for some of these random viewers from around the world to say hello! Of course, it could always just be someone using proxy servers.......but I am the eternal optimist, and like to think I have a few people around the world who check in, albeit all on Firefox! :)

Sometimes you just need a good laugh :)

There is nothing like a good laugh to lift your mood. It's been a good weekend, and a very lazy Sunday, which is always a good thing, but a chance link posted by a friend on Facebook has left me helpless from laughter, with tears streaming down my face today, so I just had to share the link here as well :)


Funniest Thing on the T'interwebs EVER!

Please click, you won't regret it - I promise *is still chuckling*

Birthdays and Snow Days and Glum Days

It's been a hectic few days! Tuesday was when the celebrations started for Dan's birthday, although to be fair, most of that was down to the Mighty Hammers and their epic result against Man U in the League Cup! But several bevvies to toast that win turned into a lovely long evening and we didn't see sleep before 4.30am!


Good job I had booked off Wednesday really lol! It was supposed to be a surprise, but being the dimwit that I am, I'd let the cat out of the bag on Monday...oops! Still, the smile on Dan's face when he realised I'd be home for his birthday was lovely, albeit 48 hours early :)


We didn't do a huge amount on Hague's 34th birthday in the end, he had pressies and cards in the morning and we ventured out into town, although as it was abso-bleeding-lutely brass monkey freezing, we didn't stay out for long. Long enough for me to get some candles, a scarf and a new bag though, yes, I know it was Dan's birthday, he did get himself a blu ray though, Alice in Wonderland - which was stunning to watch, the detail just looked amazing in high definition, a truly beautiful film.


Unfortunately I was back at work on Thursday, got to eke out my precious holiday days after all, but it's now Friday, and it started well with me waking up to finally look out of the window and see snow!! The rest of the country has been toiling under inches and inches of the stuff all week whilst Yarmouth has stayed resolutely dry, grey and with a distinct lack of Winter Wonderlandey-ness, but not today! So I left for work in reasonable spirits, soon to be dashed by news of some remarkable contortions by the garage door which had managed to pull itself off the wall and twist through 90 degrees rather than the expected result of just closing when Dan shut it today.


Cue calls to insurers and worry about having a gaping hole in the back of the house rather than a garage door! I came home early as I'm the policyholder, so have to be here (which is another good point in today I suppose - every cloud and all that). When I got here, The Shoes of Utter Gorgeousness mk 3 were here, so I excitedly tried them on.....only to find that my dinky sz 5/6 feet and 13cm heels are just not a good combination, so absolutely stunning, gorgeous, beautiful and delicious they may be, but they have to go back :( Damn that sensible head that appears sometimes!!


TSoUGmk3

Aren't they beautiful? Breaks my heart to send them back, but a girl as big as me just can't spend all night on her tippy toes!


So - not the best of days......but....it IS Friday, the weekend looms, tomorrow I am at the hairdresssers so goodbye boring hair, hello glossy black and mad colours. We're off to the House of Delaunay's as well, for a double celebration of Dan and Gary's birthdays, so as always, things to look forward to and to smile about!! 

*Overexcited Bounce*

West Ham United 4 Manchester United 0


Carling Cup Semi Finals here we come!


Epic game, passion, fire and fight. Turned the Mancs over well and truly. COYI! Irons! Irons! Who the f*ck are Man United? 
*is forever blowing bubbles*


That is all. Normal service will resume shortly!

One step forward, three steps back!

I suppose that's starting to feel like our life in a nutshell. Just when it looks like there might just be some light at the end of the tunnel, another setback comes along!


This week has been quite stressful anyway, with looking forward to the court case, and having my appointment with a counsellor alongside the constant of Dan's slow recovery and the lack of money as he's now on SSP :( This morning Dan finally had his appointment with a physiotherapist about his legs. Ever since he's been home from hospital his legs have felt numb and cold. At first we put it down to him being stuck in bed for so long, but the more it went on, the less likely that seemed, so quite a few weeks down the line we find out it's probably down to nerve damage, caused by staying in the same position for so long - an unfortunate by-product of all the complications, but this now means that the court hearing has to be adjourned. With the complete, flat on his back rest that's been suggested there was just no way he could make the journey.


It's so frustrating to have to keep delaying these things, the original purpose of the court order was to re-establish contact, and we hoped that at this second hearing, Dan might be in a position to think about more contact. That is now looking highly unlikely, purely down to circumstances way beyond his control. The contact hasn't been properly re-established, and now with the hearing having to be adjourned it looks like fortnightly, 4-5 hour visits will have to continue for the forseeable future at least. Hopefully once recuperated, things will return to normal and we can once again think about more contact, and what is best for the boys, and everyone who loves them.

Winter Wonderland!

Well, not quite :o) But the first snow of the winter has arrived! I do love the snow, makes everything look so pretty, although not so great to drive in. Seeing as I've got a hell of a drive ahead of me on Sunday I hope it's all done and dusted by then.


I'm quite nervous about the weekend as it goes. Apart from Dan's court hearing on Monday regarding contact with his boys, we're going to be seeing his family. Now, I may have been with Dan over two years now, but I've not met anyone from his side of the family yet, so the knowledge that I will now be meeting not only his brother and his girlfriend, but as we have been invited to Sunday Lunch with Dan's Dad and his wife I'll be getting the whole package at once! Eek! I get nervous about this sort of thing anyway - and practically the whole family at once is a daunting prospect!


Wish me luck? :o)

Dementors

Today is not a good day. The weekend was wonderful, we saw the new Harry Potter film which was fantastic. We wandered around Norwich in all its Christmassy glory, stocked up on Lush and had a lovey dinner. The rest of the weekend was spent watching the rest of the Potter DVD's and generally relaxing with a few jobs getting done here and there.

Christmassy Norwich!

The menagerie seem to be getting on just fine, although Pussumph is starting to get a wee bit too intrigued with the gerbils....but they're in a cage, she's outside, so I'm not overly worried.

But, not a good day. I've been feeling worse and worse for a while, and even a rainbow this morning couldn't lift my spirits. My mind can't seem to settle on what to worry about next. Problems and issues seem to be swirling around inside my head like a storm, and the reasons to feel negative are stacked up so high I can't see the top of them. The positives are hiding themselves very well right now.

There are only so many times you can say "Things will get better soon" before the words become hollow. Only so many times you can try and find the light before you just stop looking. All my efforts seem to end up being a waste, and make me feel like I shouldn't have bothered in the first place. You can only be the "Strong One" for so long before the burden just becomes too heavy to bear.

I'm not in a good place right now, and can't see a way out anytime soon. Here's hoping my appointment tomorrow is a step back towards the positive, optimistic, sunny me that I hold so dear, and feel like I'm fast losing grip on.

A busy few days!

The end of this week has been a bit busy by my standards, normally, during the week, evenings are spent relaxing and doing not a great deal. Due to work being a 40 minute drive away, I'm out of the house for at least 10 hours a day, so I don't have a great deal of motivation to do much in the evenings. However, yesterday was a different story.

My Sister and my Mum had been to see Sally Morgan (Psychic Sally) last year. They were both very impressed as she had spoken to my Mum and put her mind at rest regarding something that had been bothering her since her sister died. She knew the name of my Mum's Sister and her Dad with no prompts and answered her question. So when she was due to appear at the local theatre they snapped up tickets and got a spare for me. Now, I have never seen her on television, in fact hadn't really heard of her before so I wasn't exactly overexcited at the prospect of sitting in a cold theatre for 2 hours on a Thursday evening - without even adding in the fact I'd have to get to work for 8.30am to make sure I was home in time! To my surprise though, I enjoyed the show. When someone "came through" for someone in the audience, the information she passed on was astonishingly accurate, and it made for an intriguing evening. You could feel the theatre pulsing with spirit activity as well which was something rather special to feel. I came out of there with quite a positive attitude.

Today I've decided to take a half day of holiday, I am woefully low on holiday, and was informed yesterday that I can't buy any more until March (grumblegrumble) but today is the day that the first part of the last Harry Potter film is released!! Hague wanted to go into Norwich anyway to see the Lotus F1 car that will be on display, I need to go to Lush, so it seemed the sensible thing to do seeing as we could make a nice early viewing which will (hopefully) be lighter on overexcited children than the later viewings....I can but live in hope! lol! You'd have thought that I'd recognise the fact by now that by loving films largely aimed at the younger population I have to contend with the fact that they might actually attend screenings at the cinema, but no, I am eternally optimistic that there will be a minimum of them in attendance......a vain hope methinks!

So, in a mere hour, my weekend will be starting! I'm rather excited about having an afternoon of such fun things to do on a Friday, and still having the whole weekend to enjoy as well. After a pleasant discussion with my boss regarding the objectives for my new role (and confirmation of the lovely new pay rise, and the even lovelier pay rise due in January) I feel the need for a weekend of fun with the deliciousness that is Hague, as the upcoming Family Court hearing is nearly upon us, and any excuse to chill out and relax before that is good enough for me!

A Girlie/Geeza Kind of Weekend!

It's getting near to the end of the weekend (unfortunately) but it's been a really fun one!
Friday was payday, so the chance to get the Christmas shopping finished off - the time of the year when the internet truly comes into its own. You have to love the fact that if you so desired, you could do all your shopping without leaving the house :) For someone who HATES fighting through aimless wanderers to buy presents, this is a much better option!


We'd also decided to do some baking on Saturday. It's been an age since we've done anything like this, so with the help of Tesco and their 3 for 2 on baking goods offer, we got stocked up and got baking :)


We created butterfly buns, bluberry muffins and caramel shortbread.

All were delicious, although the caramel was slightly more toffee-ish than squishy, but no less yummy because of it!

After such a girlie afternoon, we headed off to The Parentals to watch Haye vs Harrison. I'd been so looking forward to this fight. I was well and truly in the Haye camp and he duly delivered, making "Ordinary" look exactly that, and hopefully one step closer to being Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World! I love boxing, my Dad always watched it when I was growing up, and as I've got older, I've grown to appreciate it more and more. I've even been to the York Hall, Bethnal Green in my time.

The evening continued at home, with us watching UFC122 and attempting and failing to stay awake to see the Manny Pacquiao fight!

As always on a Sunday, it's been a lazy one, catching up on washing, and as I type, I'm watching Darts and waiting for Sky to show the Manny fight again, as we have tried desperately not to come across the result today so we can enjoy the fight to the full later.

So here's to a lovely weekend, of baking and sport and family and relaxing - what else are weekends for?

Musical musings

I love music, I adore music. I simply can't imagine life without music of some kind. When I'm happy, when I'm down, when I'm at work, when I'm in the car, I just don't feel right without music on.

There are so many songs that mean so much to me that I struggle to choose my favourite song, or even my top ten as my head fills with the varied and multitude of songs that I have loved over the years.

I like anything and everything. My iPod contains a ridiculously eclectic mix.....Dolly Parton? Check. Kylie? Check. Queens of the Stone Age, Foo Fighters, Girls Aloud, Operatic arias, Musicals.....you name it, it's probably on there. Music really is a huge part of my life!

I'm not one of these people that "get" meanings of songs though - that sort of thing passes me by, it's more intuitive to me, it could be the hint of a beat in the song...or one line that just hooks me in, but I like that, music shouldn't be something you can analyse and explain, it should be deeper than that, it should move you in some way, even if only in the literal sense of making you want to dance.

Every now and again a song comes along that just speaks to me....I can never put my finger on quite why, but I'll hear it once and just become obsessed, I'll need to listen over and over again, and each time I love it more and more. I need to move when I hear it, need to sing out the lyrics, just close my eyes and enjoy everything about it, vocal, beat, rhythmn, backing, production - in my mind it's perfect :o)

The last song that had that effect one me was this....

Kings of Leon 

It's successor has now appeared, the latest Mark Ronson song, featuring Boy George has just become my new obsession, I can't stop listening to it. I love Boy George's voice in it, I love the beat, and could literally listen to it over and over again :)

Please listen....I hope you like it :)  2010's Song of Wonderfulness :)

Lest we forget...

Today is the 11th day of the 11th month. A day for remembrance, and a day I think we should always stop and take pause at the striking of the 11th hour.

Both my Grandfather's served in the Second World War, my Maternal Grandfather was a member of the Medical Corps, I am proud to have his cap badge. My Paternal Grandfather was an RAF Engineer.

My Maternal Grandfather's Brothers both served in that war as well. My Uncle Bill served with the Desert Rats, and used to proudly regale us with tales of serving alongside Spike Milligan. Christmas visits always involved the grandchildren, listening open mouthed as he told us about his adventures during the war. My Uncle Bert, Grandad's youngest brother never spoke of his time spent serving his country. He was one of the Forgotten Army in Burma and took his experiences with him to his grave, the last of his Brothers to sleep.

Thousands and thousands of young men serve our country, have lain down their lives for our freedom, for the freedom we take for granted, take as a "right". Today, soldiers all over the world are missing their families whilst we are safe at home. Buying a Poppy, donating to the Royal British Legion simply shows that you care, that you appreciate the enormous sacrifice made for us, and the price that is paid for freedom.

No-one else in my family has served, we are not an army family, however I will always buy a Poppy in November, I will always observe the 2 minute silence on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. I will always shed a tear as I see the Poppies fall during the Festival of Remembrance....and I will never forget.

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old;

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them.



www.poppy.org.uk

Expectations vs Reality

Today is November 5th, notable for being Guy Fawkes Night. A night of fun and fireworks, and for some wonderfully British reason, celebrating someone trying to blow up the Houses of Parliament. It is also the date that Hague and myself started to live together....some might say this is a reason to celebrate, an anniversary of sorts, but it's hard to see it that way.

When we met, Hague was married, albeit in an open relationship. We could claim many anniversaries if we tried, July 18th when we first met, a couple of weeks later when the words "I love you" were first uttered, or even our first weekend away. None of them feel right, we weren't truly together, weren't free to be a couple or express our love for each other. The 5th of November is the date when Dan told his wife he was leaving, the date will never, and can never be a happy one. It was a day of fear, dread, pain, anguish and one I will never forget for mostly the wrong reasons, although the feeling of relief to reach home at the end of that day will be something I will always remember.

From that day onwards, we have built something good. There have been wonderful highs and lower lows than I thought I could get through, but we've done it. I think we have come through some awful times stronger than ever, and things do seem to get better and better. We muddle along like a couple of kids most of the time, happy just to be in each others company, facing whatever life throws at us whilst trying to keep smiles on our faces.

But.....no marker for us, no anniversary, just the daily reality of us, Mitchell and Hague, together, and more in love every day.

In other Expectations and Reality conflicts today, my unerring belief  that I will be winning the lottery this weekend has appeared in the Not Quite as I Saw it category today by being a £20 scratchcard win rather than the £18 Million I was planning on ;o) Such is life!

My Lover, My Soulmate, My Partner in Crime...

Who knew?

Happiness supposedly lies in the smallest of pleasures - but who knew we were quite so happy!!

A survey has been carried out by Radio 3 regarding the happiness of the nation, and apparently the smallest things make us happy, with watching television whilst eating pizza or chocolate scoring highly. Another key to happiness is living in East Anglia. Now, seeing as we live on one of the most Eastern points of East Anglia, and last night was spent watching television whilst eating first pizza and then chocolate, we are officially as happy as happy can be! :o)

All I need to work on now is the £40,000 annual income and we'll be laughing!
The article :)

Joking aside, I do find myself happy the majority of the time, and I honestly do believe it's the taking pleasure from the smallest of things that is key to a positive outlook, why look for things to bring you down, when you can so easily find the things that lift your spirits and raise a smile?

Aches and Pains!

Well, the headache is still going strong - driving me to distraction and making concentrating on anything particularly hard. The pain is about par with a migraine, but luckily without the light sensitivity. Painkillers aren't helping either.....this'll teach me not to pay attention when I'm getting in the car eh?


To add more annoyances the fridge freezer decided to die a death on Saturday night, and not just splutter and die, oh no, it's decided that it will die in a decidedly stinky way, with an aroma of burning out electrical appliance spreading throughout the house. With a stupidly small car, our only option was delivery. Our options reduced even more as we need delivery on Monday, but one has now been ordered, and a thank you must go out to The Parentals, who, when asked if they could loan the money until payday, offered to just buy it as an early Christmas present :o) Once again I'm grateful to them for being able to help us out.


Now, let's hope that the remaining appliances in the house live long and happy lives, spending money on sensible things is never fun!!


Finally, Happy Samhain, and blessings to anyone who is celebrating their New Year tonight.

Ah James Paget Hospital, I've missed you....

Once again today we were visiting the local hospital, for a change it was me and not Hague who was the defective half of this relationship!

I somehow managed to smash my head against the car as I was getting into it yesterday morning - an incredibly stupid thing to do and although I had a painful head yesterday, I didn't worry too much about it, despite joking that I had fractured my skull :)

Come this morning and the pain was worse, ibuprofen didn't touch it and I was having trouble with concentrating and focusing my eyes so I called NHS Direct. They suggested I go to A&E to get checked over, just precautionary, but I guess you can't be too careful.

They don't suspect anything untoward, just that the trauma of such a hard smack of the head will cause pain for up to 2 weeks, pain that will come and go now and again - oh joy, so I'm now stuck with a migraine level pain in my head for a fortnight! That'll teach me to be more careful getting into the car!!

In other, smilier news, the living room is really coming together, and I'm proud of the work we've both put in so far, so here are some pictures of how it looks now (with only a few more bits to do).

Longer Evenings

Well it looks like Autumn is definitely here now, if not Winter. The weather has turned, and it's now cold, windy and rainy most of the time.


The heating has finally gone on, so I guess the monthly gas bill for this month of £13.94 is one I'll be looking back fondly on until the Spring!


The living room is starting to look lovely, the junk is slowly disappearing, and the furniture is re-appearing! The crate training has gone well, so the downstairs once again looks tidy, bright and somewhere nice to spend time.


Right now, the fire is on, there is a vase of (utterly bargainalicious) roses on the side, and just looking around the room is making me smile, for the first time in many, many months.


I know it will take a while longer to save to replace the sofas, but apart from that we now have a lovely living room. Thank you for all your help with it Hague <3 xxx

Promotional Activity :)

Yesterday was an interesting day for a few reasons, I've blogged about the random RSPCA visit, I also managed to make a decision on the television, which hopefully will be at the shop today for collection (the issue of actually getting it into a Micra is something I'm trying to ignore for now lol!), and I had to make a rather huge decision at work.

I work for Britvic, the company that brings you, amongst other things, Fruit Shoot, Tango, Pepsi and J2O. I enjoy working here, and have now been here for over 7 years, my longest stint of employment anywhere.

When I started, I was a filler operator, operating the machines that merrily fill Fruit Shoot bottles all day long. I started my current job in January 2008. It was a 6 month secondment as a Continuous Improvement Co-ordinator. What that means in English, is that myself and my colleague help to implement improvement techniques across our department, spot problems and resolve them, and generally drive towards a safer, more efficient factory. As I type it's October 2010, and up until yesterday I was still on a seconded contract. Whilst that has some benefits, including the guarantee of a return to the filler should the job role disappear, it means I was stuck in a strange limbo between the two roles, with no-one really sure where we fitted in the scheme of things.

Yesterday, myself and my colleague Paul, were offered our jobs on a permanent basis. This meant quite a big decision for me. I've always liked having the safety net of being able to return to my old job, but accepting this role permanently shows that I am keen to progress, do a job well and gives us a bit more ownership of the role.

I have decided to take the job - so I have in effect just got a promotion, something I've never had before, and along with it a rather nice pay rise, which is always nice :)

Little steps of onwards and upwards are still steps in the right direction! Hague, thank you for being so supportive, and so proud of me yesterday. I love you xx

The Obesity Epidemic?

For once I'm not talking about my own weight lol! I'd like to share some photos with you of some Basset Hounds....
This is a Champion Basset Hound, Bayleigh's Dad no less;

So that's the "desirable" look for a Basset Hound, a good, healthy example of the breed.


This is MadameLeWigglePuppy, AKA Bayleigh Boo (with Dan);

Now, call me strange, call me a rose tinted spectacled pet owner....but Bayleigh looks just fine size wise, and certainly loves to walk for hours, hence my surprise to get a phone call at work today from Dan telling me the RSPCA had been round!! Apparently they had had a report of an "obese Basset that could barely move". She is many things, a fair few of them not exactly complimentary ;), but obese, and barely moving are two of the most alien descriptions you could put to her!


The RSPCA inspector was more than happy with her, could see that she was a happy, well cared for, perfect sized dog. I find it bizarre that it was even reported.....Bayleigh only leaves the house when she's walked, that's walked, so how on earth has someone decided she's not able to move? Poor little thing, a victim of the Size Zero culture we live in! lol! I'm slightly annoyed on behalf of the inspector, who was called out for no reason, but am glad she was happy with Bayleigh's condition :) 


Apparently, for every 70 calls the RSPCA get, 69 are not actual causes for concern, what a waste of their resources, perhaps more information should be available on what constitutes a healthy vs a neglected animal so as not to put undue pressure on a charity.

Televisual Jungle!

My head is about to explode, it’s not designed to be full of technical things, and at the moment it’s full of things which frankly meant nothing to me a few short weeks ago!

It’s that time of the year again, when my bonus gets paid J The one time I actually have cash on the hip to spend! We are skint beyond belief, always paying off debts and buying good old value foods – but my bonus is just that, a little welcome bonus to treat ourselves with!

This year we have decided to finally join the 21st century and get a flatscreen TV for the lounge. We previously had a second hand ENORMOUS monster which had replaced the previous LCD my ex chose to take with him when we split, so the time has come to get a new one.

The old one has already been freecycled, along with the unit it stands on – so now the task is properly in hand….

But what a task, 1080p vs HD ready, screen size, screen refresh rates, HDMI inputs, wireless connectivity, scart sockets, LCD vs Plasma, it’s a bleeding jungle out there! Thank God we only have a budget of £500 or I’d have the brain bleed inducing choice of LED and 3D lobbed in there as well!

I really have no idea what to do for the best, I’d rather not spend the entire £500, but am not entirely sure of the best area for compromise.

I’m going to Richer Sounds on Friday – wish me luck??

Well That Was The Week That Was!

Well it's 9pm on Sunday night, the night before I'm back to work after an entire week off.
It's been a good week, nothing like I planned but good nonetheless :)


I've learnt a few things, got a few things done and managed to get at least some things on my list done!


Things I've learnt this week...
The Story of O is massively overrated and a bit of a yawn fest in my humble opinion.
I have an Autism Spectrum Quotient of 29, the female average is 15, and Autism is usually diagnosed at 32...interesting, and I'm not entirely sure what that says about me!
Wounds are packed with a material made of seaweed to help them heal quicker.
Hague may claim not to like Come Dine With Me, but he hasn't minded watching it this week.




Things I got done this week...
My tattoo :)
The paperwork all over the house has all been sorted :)
The Living Room has been re-arranged, and once it's tidied will look fab :)
Watched 15 of the 35 episodes of Come Dine With Me on the Sky +.
Got rid of a few unwanted bits, to hopefully grateful new homes.


So not an entirely unproductive week, and as I'm sitting here, on a nice comfy bed, surrounded by lit candles (anything to avoid the inevitable Turning on of the Heating), freshly bathed and relaxing with the man I love, I can confidently say it's been a very good week, even with a gatecrasher ;) (Love you anyway Hague lol) x

Stats....

I love this site...it's always interesting to have a look at the stats. Blogger is fantastic for that. It lets you know when people are reading your blog, and even goes down to the detail of telling you where the readers are, and what browser and operating system they're using! 


Who knew my life was so intriguing.....

Warp Speed Week!

Wow! How is it possible for a week to fly by so quickly? I seriously don't know where this week has gone - I've managed one job from my list....one! And it's Friday already, Friday afternoon to be exact, shocking!


To be fair, Dan having to have his dressing changed every 48 hours has been a bit of a spanner in the old relaxing works, but the District Nurse has been lovely, very friendly and very helpful so has made it a little bit easier for us.


Today I plan to get the living room finally sorted, get it changed about and re-arranged to how I want, then we can start saving up for some new furniture :)


Perhaps I'll have a surge of productiveness over the weekend......maybe....


;)

Out with the old and in with the new :)

Today was a long time coming! My twice delayed tattoo has finally been done! 


I had a tattoo on my back. It was my second one and was done when I was 18, by a friend (who is now a well known, and well respected tattoo artist) in his kitchen. I've hated it since the moment it was done, the lines were thick and it didn't heal well, so has never looked good. As it was placed in an odd position on my back I've struggled over the years to find something that could cover it and still look good....

In August, we were browsing tattoo flash, Dan had the ink itch, and to be fair, so did I, so we were having a look at what we could have when I saw a design which would be absolutely perfect to cover up the hideous mess on my back. It was the perfect size, and although cover ups don't have to be dark, it was a dark design that  wasn't a tribal blob! To be honest, I think I would have had it anyway, regardless of the cover up as it struck me straight away as something different, and something that I wanted :)


So, the first appointment available was early September, we had to cancel that due to Dan's wonderful Ex pissing about with his contact dates, so the next date was today, October 11th. I was excited, but nervous. Not nervous about the pain, just nervous that the artist wouldn't do a good job, let's face it, there is no covering up a mainly black design!


The tattoo took an hour and a half, and pretty much standard in terms of how uncomfortable it was - certainly nothing unexpectedly painful, and now I have a gorgeous design on my back, something I'll be happy to show off! Now I just have to get through the scabby stage! :)

Ooops!

It's been a while! So much has been going on with Dan in hospital and me being so tired I can barely keep my eyes open that I've eased off the blog recently!

Dan is recovering nicely, the staples came out on Monday, and apparently he's healing nicely, but I am SO squeamish, that looking at the wound is still making me feel icky - I am such a girl when it comes to things like that!!

I fell off the diet quite spectacularly, with a gain of 3 ½ lbs, not unexpected really seeing as I pretty much did nothing but eat crap whilst Dan was in hospital, back on track a wee bit though for some of this week, which has resulted in a ½lb loss, not a huge loss, but back in the right direction.

I am really struggling to get back on plan, for some reason I had a McDonalds breakfast this morning, I have counted the calories, so will adjust the rest of the days....but I do wish I knew why I did this, I WANT to lose weight, I HATE being this size - but I crumble at the slightest suggestion.

I'm sure once Dan is back at work, and we get back into our routine I'll be fine. I'm determined to get back on full track next week, this week I have stocked up on ready meals to minimise the damage my laziness could cause. I could just be drifting into a bit of a depression, it usually shows itself first as a total lack of interest in just about everything - so quite a warning sign. I'm also feeling utterly run down, so am looking forward to my week off, even though it's not going to be quite as I planned, I guess all those girlie things will have to be put off until another time :o)

Running on Empty!

Wow I'm tired! It's been one hell of a week, and with any luck Hague will be home tomorrow!
It's been a long while since I've been this tired, a combination of the worry, emotional ups and downs and just lack of rest have made me feel like one of the non-duracell bunnies from the advert...just getting slower and slower.


It has been a hard week, but I'm definitely feeling tons better now, just seeing Dan looking so obviously on the mend, and utterly without tubes has been fabulous, although I've had to be very brave today and deal with a spider, something that is normally something firmly in Dan's jurisdiction! I'm very proud of myself :)


Roll on tomorrow, fingers crossed for the news we're both waiting for!!

Happier, Brighter and Positive!

A much, much better today. Oh what a difference a day makes! It was like visiting a different person this evening. The quiet, depressed man I visited yesterday has morphed back into my wonderful boyfriend :)


Despite a crappy day, starting out with throwing up, Exorcist stylee, being banned from food, ignored by a Consultant and no progress with tube removal, I wasn't expecting much in the way of a good mood from Dan....but what a lovely surprise....Although frustrated, and angry, he was in a feisty, rather than defeated mood and it was so good to see.


It's so good to have come home, with the memories of giggling together, smiling at each other and chuckling over the teeny acts of rebellion he has planned for tomorrow.


I really think he's finally on the mend, and I couldn't be happier!!!


On another bright note, work have been amazing, allowing me to take the 3 days I've already had as compassionate leave, and will allow me to work from home when Dan is discharged, so I can be here for him when he settles back in at home :)


In the scheme of current things, today has been a good day, and I know I will sleep tonight knowing that the man I love is a lot brighter, and a lot closer to his old self.

Trying to stay afloat

I'm sure these blogs will be boringly similar, but it is helping me to get through these days without Dan to just witter on about how I'm feeling.


I'm missing him ridiculous amounts, and I'm scared as well. He is rapidly going downhill into depression at being stuck in hospital. It seems that the better he is getting physically, the worse he is mentally. Tonight's visit was almost like visiting someone I didn't know - and there is nothing I can do to help.


I feel like everything I'm asking him is annoying him, when I try to help, or to chat, I feel like he is biting his tongue from telling me to sod off. He is so angry and frustrated, and he has a long recovery ahead of him.


I'm so upset at seeing him like this, I want to be able to cheer him up when I see him, but nothing seems to lift him. I can't wait for him to come out and be at home, at least he will be more comfortable then, and have things to do, even if it is just watch sky and go on Facebook.


I love him so, so much, and I just want My Daniel back, I want to be able to see him smile, to hold his hand, feel him lying next to me and for him to be happy again.

Lonely times

I'm finding this really hard. Dan has been in hospital for 3 nights now, and I've left him for the 4th one.
I am getting to see him for 5 hours a day, and it's only that long as I'm ignoring the break between visiting times.
He is getting so fed up with being in hospital, with being unable to even get out of bed and having pretty much nothing to do except stare at a 14" television for hours on end.
I find it so upsetting to see him like this. My big, strong, gorgeous man with tubes going in and coming out and struggling to move without being in pain.
I feel so helpless, I can't take his pain away, or give him any more mobility, I can't raise his mood any more than the odd smile now and again whilst we talk....
The hardest thing is that all I can do is hold his hand....I am desperate to feel his arms around me, to be able to lie next to him and feel him lying close to me, to have more than a quick hello and goodbye peck.
I've not felt this out of sorts since we've been together - I'm feeling like I'm moving through a thick fog, insulated from everything happening "outside". I know he will get better, I know this will not last, that he'll be out soon and well on his way to his old self - but right now I'm struggling to cope without him.

Am I sad? Or just lucky?

I've just had the call I was waiting for, the man I love is out of surgery, minus his "nasty appendix" and comfortable.


I am so relieved, I didn't realise quite how tense I was until I heard he was okay! Funny how that happens, and although I'm a bit teary, I'm much calmer now. 


Now I face another problem....sleeping! I have been living with Dan for close to 2 years now. In that time you can count on one hand the nights we have spent apart. During the night we reach out for each other, and need to have some contact to sleep soundly.


Some may call this a bit sad, and to some, I guess it is. I just consider it part of the closeness I feel to him, part of our togetherness, and part of what makes him my lobster ;)

Scary Day!

It's been a long day, and it's not over yet! Hague has been ill since last week, we both thought he had a nasty bout of food poisoning, and that he had maybe pulled a stomach muscle as he was so ill....


From first feeling ill on Friday, he was in agony this morning, and rang the GP. Almost straight away he diagnosed a ruptured appendix! The symptoms are scarily close to that of an upset stomach, only with no diarrhoea and increasing pain, so on a plus side I've learnt that if I'm throwing up and my pee looks like lucozade, I'd best get myself checked out!  


He was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and although I was feeling quite calm, I was also pretty scared, I don't know much, but I know a burst appendix is dangerous. The staff at the James Paget were good, and he was on a ward within about 2 1/2 hours of coming in.


He went up to surgery at 8pm tonight. I am waiting to call the ward to see how it went. I'm so worried, which I know is natural, but I just want to hear that he is alright. It sounds soppy and clichéd, but it's at times like this your feelings for someone are reinforced just that little bit more. I can't wait to see him tomorrow, and after him being in pretty much too much pain for a big hug for the last day or so, I can't wait for an enormous cuddle either.


Me and Hague...

Being constructive

You may have noticed that I have a week off work booked. I'm not going away, just chilling out for a week, however there are also some things I'd like to finally get done whilst I'm off, so I thought I would list them on here, as a little bit of an incentive to get them done!

1. Sort out my wardrobe.
2. Sort out the cupboard under the stairs.
3. Give the bedroom a huge spring clean.
4. Sort all the random paperwork scattered around the house.
5. Sort out the airing cupboard and launder all the towels in there.
6. Sort everything in the house that can be ebay-ed, and ebay it!
7. Sort out the kitchen cupboards.

As you can see, I'm going to be busy, but I also have a list of nice things I want to do...

1. Get inked (tattoo is booked for October 11th).
2. Watch all the Come Dine With Me episodes on my Sky+ box (loads! glee!).
3. Watch the old BBC Narnia DVD's.
4. Have a pamper day (just indoors, just me lol).
5. Get a manicure ( I can't wear nail varnish at work, so will be a treat to have painted nails).
6. Be a good little wifey to Dan, cook his meals and generally look after him all week.

It will be quite the novelty just pleasing myself for a week. Since Dan moved in, he was at first unemployed, and now works shorter hours than me, so I am never in the house alone, it will be strange having the place to myself again :)

I wonder how many from each list will get done! lol!

Sooooooo bored!

I am bored.....Dan is sick, and is sleeping, but he only really sleeps when I'm here - so here I am.
I don't want to wake him, so can't put the TV on. Same goes for reading as the curtains are closed!
Facebook has entertained me as much as it's able to, and the rest of the t'interwebs will just be full of things I want to buy but can't so will make me grumpy as well as bored!
Trust me to wake up early on a day of nothingness *sigh*


Oh well, when you love someone you take the rough with the smooth, so I guess I'll have to find something in a dark bedroom to entertain myself, as typing this blog took mere moments to do!

Heading in the right direction

Another week, another weigh in, and once again I’m heading in the right direction! Another lb off this week gives me a total loss of 16½ lbs gone in 7 weeks, not a bad loss at all, and I’m still enjoying the diet as much as ever.
I’ve always avoided calorie counting before as I was always worried I wouldn’t have enough to eat, but this has been a real eye-opener! Some days I can’t eat everything I’m supposed to. So, 7 weeks in and Tesco diets are still getting a big thumbs up from me!

In other news, as they say, the crates arrived yesterday for Mutley and Boo. Mutley took to his like a duck to water, with his bedding in there he was more than happy to settle down and snuggle up in there. Perhaps as it’s keeping Bayleigh out of his way lol!
Madam Boo was more of a problem, at first she just glared at it, then barked and howled at it, but after a bit of reassurance she went in and seems happy enough to curl up in there.

It’s going to be a slow process getting to the point where they are happy to be shut in there, so far the doors have remained open, but I’m hoping that this, and the set times for “outside time” (dumping to me and you lol) we’ll have much happier, settled doggies, and no mess in the house…..

….Which leads nicely to my next little ambition…to reclaim downstairs, and have a lovely living room again. One step at a time though methinks!