Like most people, I have a lot of things that annoy me, however quite a lot of things make my blood boil and as far as I'm concerned they should be made illegal. Should Hague and I ever take charge of the country, and the utopia of Hague's Britain finally becomes a reality, the following shall immediately be made illegal (and probably punishable by death).
1. Lorries overtaking each other
This is something that seriously does my head in. When you spend hours driving on single carriageway roads (as you have to if you live in Norfolk) there is nothing more likely to induce head exploding rage than finally reaching a teasingly short length of dual carriageway only to see a pair of lorries, side by side as one overtakes the other, moving past so slow that the naked eye can barely mark the progress - as these tortoises of the road play out a slow motion battle the rest of us mere mortals can only wait...and wait....and wait as our chance to overtake disappears and we resign ourselves to several more slow, tedious miles following behind. This of course also applies on motorways, and dual carriageways, as the ability to travel 1mph faster than the lorry in front of you is no excuse to prevent the rest of us actually getting to our destination whilst you prove you have a more powerful lorry!
2.Caravans
For pretty much the same reasons as above, plus the fact that part of a holiday is enjoying new surroundings, not sitting in the same caravan year after year in a procession of different fields.
3. Fuel Tax (in it's current form)
It's now gone beyond a joke. The government enjoys the ignorance of the population as the anger at the price of petrol is directed at the "greedy" fuel companies. This is despite 2/3rds of the cost of your petrol being tax. (Don't believe me? Take a look here) So when oil goes up, the tax man rubs his hands together! When it costs me over £50 to fill up a year old, 1L Micra, something is wrong!
4. Environmental Taxation
Climate Change, Carbon Footprint, Global Warming....Funny isn't it, what started off as Global Warming, is now called Climate Change as all the evidence was pointing to the planet actually cooling down. There is not one shred of proof that our behaviour as human beings is causing any significant damage to the planet - speeding up what will naturally happen maybe, but causing? No. As for Carbon Footprints....the governments of this world must be praising the lord for whoever coined that lucrative little phrase, we are now taxed for everything in the name of the imaginary Carbon Footprint we are supposedly leaving upon this world of ours. As far as I'm concerned it's all another way to make money, another way to tax us, and another way to charge more for something in the name of it being environmentally friendly - If the governments were REALLY serious about this sort of issue, they'd be cracking down on China and India etc.....
5. Righteous Wars
Strange isn't it, country after country in Northern Africa and the Middle East have toppled their governments recently with no Western intervention - Libya kicks off and in we go.....
Mugabe has been the worst sort of dictator for years, mistreating his own people and flushing his country down the toilet - Western reaction? Sanctions, basically a slap on the wrist.
Saddam Hussein does basically the same thing and in we go, gung ho and guns a blazing.
Now, I can see why the West want these people gone, they are mad dictators that their countries want gone.....but be honest, you've gone in because of oil, not for humanitarian reasons, there are evil, evil men in many places in this world of ours, but it seems to only be the ones sitting on oil that are deposed by the military might of the West.
We have our own problems, how about we put our limited resources to that eh?
6. The Current Benefits System
There is no way in the world that you should be better off sitting at home on your arse whilst the state looks after you. The State should provide the bare minimum to keep you fed, and to keep a roof over your head. What's wrong with providing food tokens rather than cash? Would stop benefits cash being spent on booze and fags, you want to smoke, drink or indulge in non-necessities? Find a job! Child Benefit would also be a casualty, seriously, we have 60million+ people living in this small island nation of ours, and we are paying people to have kids???? If you can't afford to have children, don't have children, end of story. Why should I pay for you to breed?
Now, of course sometimes people need help, are made redundant, have to care for someone, have a disabled child, are seriously ill or become unable to work for genuine medical reasons - that should be when the state is there to support you. To help you when help is needed. But right now, it's a lifestyle choice not to work, to stay at home and breed, to not get married all in the name of milking the system for as much as it's worth. So wrong :(
7. Fake Tan
Why on Earth would you want to make yourself look like the love child of an Oompah Loompah and the Tango Man? Tans are NOT orange, a nice healthy tan should be the result of a holiday. A golden brown hue that lifts the spirits for as long as it lasts. You do not get this from covering yourself in Ronseal coloured goo, you go orange. Which will be illegal when I'm in power ;)
8. Dark Chocolate
It's bitter. Chocolate should be sweet. Anything which calls itself chocolate but is in fact poisonous should be banned, simples.
I seem to have diverted to a bit of a rant - and I'm pretty sure I haven't covered half of the things that would be banned in Hague's Britain......this may only be Part One of many! :)
1. Lorries overtaking each other
This is something that seriously does my head in. When you spend hours driving on single carriageway roads (as you have to if you live in Norfolk) there is nothing more likely to induce head exploding rage than finally reaching a teasingly short length of dual carriageway only to see a pair of lorries, side by side as one overtakes the other, moving past so slow that the naked eye can barely mark the progress - as these tortoises of the road play out a slow motion battle the rest of us mere mortals can only wait...and wait....and wait as our chance to overtake disappears and we resign ourselves to several more slow, tedious miles following behind. This of course also applies on motorways, and dual carriageways, as the ability to travel 1mph faster than the lorry in front of you is no excuse to prevent the rest of us actually getting to our destination whilst you prove you have a more powerful lorry!
2.Caravans
For pretty much the same reasons as above, plus the fact that part of a holiday is enjoying new surroundings, not sitting in the same caravan year after year in a procession of different fields.
3. Fuel Tax (in it's current form)
It's now gone beyond a joke. The government enjoys the ignorance of the population as the anger at the price of petrol is directed at the "greedy" fuel companies. This is despite 2/3rds of the cost of your petrol being tax. (Don't believe me? Take a look here) So when oil goes up, the tax man rubs his hands together! When it costs me over £50 to fill up a year old, 1L Micra, something is wrong!
4. Environmental Taxation
Climate Change, Carbon Footprint, Global Warming....Funny isn't it, what started off as Global Warming, is now called Climate Change as all the evidence was pointing to the planet actually cooling down. There is not one shred of proof that our behaviour as human beings is causing any significant damage to the planet - speeding up what will naturally happen maybe, but causing? No. As for Carbon Footprints....the governments of this world must be praising the lord for whoever coined that lucrative little phrase, we are now taxed for everything in the name of the imaginary Carbon Footprint we are supposedly leaving upon this world of ours. As far as I'm concerned it's all another way to make money, another way to tax us, and another way to charge more for something in the name of it being environmentally friendly - If the governments were REALLY serious about this sort of issue, they'd be cracking down on China and India etc.....
5. Righteous Wars
Strange isn't it, country after country in Northern Africa and the Middle East have toppled their governments recently with no Western intervention - Libya kicks off and in we go.....
Mugabe has been the worst sort of dictator for years, mistreating his own people and flushing his country down the toilet - Western reaction? Sanctions, basically a slap on the wrist.
Saddam Hussein does basically the same thing and in we go, gung ho and guns a blazing.
Now, I can see why the West want these people gone, they are mad dictators that their countries want gone.....but be honest, you've gone in because of oil, not for humanitarian reasons, there are evil, evil men in many places in this world of ours, but it seems to only be the ones sitting on oil that are deposed by the military might of the West.
We have our own problems, how about we put our limited resources to that eh?
6. The Current Benefits System
There is no way in the world that you should be better off sitting at home on your arse whilst the state looks after you. The State should provide the bare minimum to keep you fed, and to keep a roof over your head. What's wrong with providing food tokens rather than cash? Would stop benefits cash being spent on booze and fags, you want to smoke, drink or indulge in non-necessities? Find a job! Child Benefit would also be a casualty, seriously, we have 60million+ people living in this small island nation of ours, and we are paying people to have kids???? If you can't afford to have children, don't have children, end of story. Why should I pay for you to breed?
Now, of course sometimes people need help, are made redundant, have to care for someone, have a disabled child, are seriously ill or become unable to work for genuine medical reasons - that should be when the state is there to support you. To help you when help is needed. But right now, it's a lifestyle choice not to work, to stay at home and breed, to not get married all in the name of milking the system for as much as it's worth. So wrong :(
7. Fake Tan
Why on Earth would you want to make yourself look like the love child of an Oompah Loompah and the Tango Man? Tans are NOT orange, a nice healthy tan should be the result of a holiday. A golden brown hue that lifts the spirits for as long as it lasts. You do not get this from covering yourself in Ronseal coloured goo, you go orange. Which will be illegal when I'm in power ;)
8. Dark Chocolate
It's bitter. Chocolate should be sweet. Anything which calls itself chocolate but is in fact poisonous should be banned, simples.
I seem to have diverted to a bit of a rant - and I'm pretty sure I haven't covered half of the things that would be banned in Hague's Britain......this may only be Part One of many! :)
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