Well, the headache is still going strong - driving me to distraction and making concentrating on anything particularly hard. The pain is about par with a migraine, but luckily without the light sensitivity. Painkillers aren't helping either.....this'll teach me not to pay attention when I'm getting in the car eh?
To add more annoyances the fridge freezer decided to die a death on Saturday night, and not just splutter and die, oh no, it's decided that it will die in a decidedly stinky way, with an aroma of burning out electrical appliance spreading throughout the house. With a stupidly small car, our only option was delivery. Our options reduced even more as we need delivery on Monday, but one has now been ordered, and a thank you must go out to The Parentals, who, when asked if they could loan the money until payday, offered to just buy it as an early Christmas present :o) Once again I'm grateful to them for being able to help us out.
Now, let's hope that the remaining appliances in the house live long and happy lives, spending money on sensible things is never fun!!
Finally, Happy Samhain, and blessings to anyone who is celebrating their New Year tonight.
Sunday, 31 October 2010
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
Ah James Paget Hospital, I've missed you....
Once again today we were visiting the local hospital, for a change it was me and not Hague who was the defective half of this relationship!
I somehow managed to smash my head against the car as I was getting into it yesterday morning - an incredibly stupid thing to do and although I had a painful head yesterday, I didn't worry too much about it, despite joking that I had fractured my skull :)
Come this morning and the pain was worse, ibuprofen didn't touch it and I was having trouble with concentrating and focusing my eyes so I called NHS Direct. They suggested I go to A&E to get checked over, just precautionary, but I guess you can't be too careful.
They don't suspect anything untoward, just that the trauma of such a hard smack of the head will cause pain for up to 2 weeks, pain that will come and go now and again - oh joy, so I'm now stuck with a migraine level pain in my head for a fortnight! That'll teach me to be more careful getting into the car!!
In other, smilier news, the living room is really coming together, and I'm proud of the work we've both put in so far, so here are some pictures of how it looks now (with only a few more bits to do).
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Longer Evenings
Well it looks like Autumn is definitely here now, if not Winter. The weather has turned, and it's now cold, windy and rainy most of the time.
The heating has finally gone on, so I guess the monthly gas bill for this month of £13.94 is one I'll be looking back fondly on until the Spring!
The living room is starting to look lovely, the junk is slowly disappearing, and the furniture is re-appearing! The crate training has gone well, so the downstairs once again looks tidy, bright and somewhere nice to spend time.
Right now, the fire is on, there is a vase of (utterly bargainalicious) roses on the side, and just looking around the room is making me smile, for the first time in many, many months.
I know it will take a while longer to save to replace the sofas, but apart from that we now have a lovely living room. Thank you for all your help with it Hague <3 xxx
The heating has finally gone on, so I guess the monthly gas bill for this month of £13.94 is one I'll be looking back fondly on until the Spring!
The living room is starting to look lovely, the junk is slowly disappearing, and the furniture is re-appearing! The crate training has gone well, so the downstairs once again looks tidy, bright and somewhere nice to spend time.
Right now, the fire is on, there is a vase of (utterly bargainalicious) roses on the side, and just looking around the room is making me smile, for the first time in many, many months.
I know it will take a while longer to save to replace the sofas, but apart from that we now have a lovely living room. Thank you for all your help with it Hague <3 xxx
Thursday, 21 October 2010
Promotional Activity :)
Yesterday was an interesting day for a few reasons, I've blogged about the random RSPCA visit, I also managed to make a decision on the television, which hopefully will be at the shop today for collection (the issue of actually getting it into a Micra is something I'm trying to ignore for now lol!), and I had to make a rather huge decision at work.
I work for Britvic, the company that brings you, amongst other things, Fruit Shoot, Tango, Pepsi and J2O. I enjoy working here, and have now been here for over 7 years, my longest stint of employment anywhere.
When I started, I was a filler operator, operating the machines that merrily fill Fruit Shoot bottles all day long. I started my current job in January 2008. It was a 6 month secondment as a Continuous Improvement Co-ordinator. What that means in English, is that myself and my colleague help to implement improvement techniques across our department, spot problems and resolve them, and generally drive towards a safer, more efficient factory. As I type it's October 2010, and up until yesterday I was still on a seconded contract. Whilst that has some benefits, including the guarantee of a return to the filler should the job role disappear, it means I was stuck in a strange limbo between the two roles, with no-one really sure where we fitted in the scheme of things.
Yesterday, myself and my colleague Paul, were offered our jobs on a permanent basis. This meant quite a big decision for me. I've always liked having the safety net of being able to return to my old job, but accepting this role permanently shows that I am keen to progress, do a job well and gives us a bit more ownership of the role.
I have decided to take the job - so I have in effect just got a promotion, something I've never had before, and along with it a rather nice pay rise, which is always nice :)
Little steps of onwards and upwards are still steps in the right direction! Hague, thank you for being so supportive, and so proud of me yesterday. I love you xx
I work for Britvic, the company that brings you, amongst other things, Fruit Shoot, Tango, Pepsi and J2O. I enjoy working here, and have now been here for over 7 years, my longest stint of employment anywhere.
When I started, I was a filler operator, operating the machines that merrily fill Fruit Shoot bottles all day long. I started my current job in January 2008. It was a 6 month secondment as a Continuous Improvement Co-ordinator. What that means in English, is that myself and my colleague help to implement improvement techniques across our department, spot problems and resolve them, and generally drive towards a safer, more efficient factory. As I type it's October 2010, and up until yesterday I was still on a seconded contract. Whilst that has some benefits, including the guarantee of a return to the filler should the job role disappear, it means I was stuck in a strange limbo between the two roles, with no-one really sure where we fitted in the scheme of things.
Yesterday, myself and my colleague Paul, were offered our jobs on a permanent basis. This meant quite a big decision for me. I've always liked having the safety net of being able to return to my old job, but accepting this role permanently shows that I am keen to progress, do a job well and gives us a bit more ownership of the role.
I have decided to take the job - so I have in effect just got a promotion, something I've never had before, and along with it a rather nice pay rise, which is always nice :)
Little steps of onwards and upwards are still steps in the right direction! Hague, thank you for being so supportive, and so proud of me yesterday. I love you xx
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
The Obesity Epidemic?
For once I'm not talking about my own weight lol! I'd like to share some photos with you of some Basset Hounds....
This is a Champion Basset Hound, Bayleigh's Dad no less;
So that's the "desirable" look for a Basset Hound, a good, healthy example of the breed.
This is MadameLeWigglePuppy, AKA Bayleigh Boo (with Dan);
Now, call me strange, call me a rose tinted spectacled pet owner....but Bayleigh looks just fine size wise, and certainly loves to walk for hours, hence my surprise to get a phone call at work today from Dan telling me the RSPCA had been round!! Apparently they had had a report of an "obese Basset that could barely move". She is many things, a fair few of them not exactly complimentary ;), but obese, and barely moving are two of the most alien descriptions you could put to her!
The RSPCA inspector was more than happy with her, could see that she was a happy, well cared for, perfect sized dog. I find it bizarre that it was even reported.....Bayleigh only leaves the house when she's walked, that's walked, so how on earth has someone decided she's not able to move? Poor little thing, a victim of the Size Zero culture we live in! lol! I'm slightly annoyed on behalf of the inspector, who was called out for no reason, but am glad she was happy with Bayleigh's condition :)
Apparently, for every 70 calls the RSPCA get, 69 are not actual causes for concern, what a waste of their resources, perhaps more information should be available on what constitutes a healthy vs a neglected animal so as not to put undue pressure on a charity.
This is a Champion Basset Hound, Bayleigh's Dad no less;
This is MadameLeWigglePuppy, AKA Bayleigh Boo (with Dan);
Now, call me strange, call me a rose tinted spectacled pet owner....but Bayleigh looks just fine size wise, and certainly loves to walk for hours, hence my surprise to get a phone call at work today from Dan telling me the RSPCA had been round!! Apparently they had had a report of an "obese Basset that could barely move". She is many things, a fair few of them not exactly complimentary ;), but obese, and barely moving are two of the most alien descriptions you could put to her!
The RSPCA inspector was more than happy with her, could see that she was a happy, well cared for, perfect sized dog. I find it bizarre that it was even reported.....Bayleigh only leaves the house when she's walked, that's walked, so how on earth has someone decided she's not able to move? Poor little thing, a victim of the Size Zero culture we live in! lol! I'm slightly annoyed on behalf of the inspector, who was called out for no reason, but am glad she was happy with Bayleigh's condition :)
Apparently, for every 70 calls the RSPCA get, 69 are not actual causes for concern, what a waste of their resources, perhaps more information should be available on what constitutes a healthy vs a neglected animal so as not to put undue pressure on a charity.
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
Televisual Jungle!
My head is about to explode, it’s not designed to be full of technical things, and at the moment it’s full of things which frankly meant nothing to me a few short weeks ago!
It’s that time of the year again, when my bonus gets paid J The one time I actually have cash on the hip to spend! We are skint beyond belief, always paying off debts and buying good old value foods – but my bonus is just that, a little welcome bonus to treat ourselves with!
This year we have decided to finally join the 21st century and get a flatscreen TV for the lounge. We previously had a second hand ENORMOUS monster which had replaced the previous LCD my ex chose to take with him when we split, so the time has come to get a new one.
The old one has already been freecycled, along with the unit it stands on – so now the task is properly in hand….
But what a task, 1080p vs HD ready, screen size, screen refresh rates, HDMI inputs, wireless connectivity, scart sockets, LCD vs Plasma, it’s a bleeding jungle out there! Thank God we only have a budget of £500 or I’d have the brain bleed inducing choice of LED and 3D lobbed in there as well!
I really have no idea what to do for the best, I’d rather not spend the entire £500, but am not entirely sure of the best area for compromise.
I’m going to Richer Sounds on Friday – wish me luck??
It’s that time of the year again, when my bonus gets paid J The one time I actually have cash on the hip to spend! We are skint beyond belief, always paying off debts and buying good old value foods – but my bonus is just that, a little welcome bonus to treat ourselves with!
This year we have decided to finally join the 21st century and get a flatscreen TV for the lounge. We previously had a second hand ENORMOUS monster which had replaced the previous LCD my ex chose to take with him when we split, so the time has come to get a new one.
The old one has already been freecycled, along with the unit it stands on – so now the task is properly in hand….
But what a task, 1080p vs HD ready, screen size, screen refresh rates, HDMI inputs, wireless connectivity, scart sockets, LCD vs Plasma, it’s a bleeding jungle out there! Thank God we only have a budget of £500 or I’d have the brain bleed inducing choice of LED and 3D lobbed in there as well!
I really have no idea what to do for the best, I’d rather not spend the entire £500, but am not entirely sure of the best area for compromise.
I’m going to Richer Sounds on Friday – wish me luck??
Sunday, 17 October 2010
Well That Was The Week That Was!
Well it's 9pm on Sunday night, the night before I'm back to work after an entire week off.
It's been a good week, nothing like I planned but good nonetheless :)
I've learnt a few things, got a few things done and managed to get at least some things on my list done!
Things I've learnt this week...
The Story of O is massively overrated and a bit of a yawn fest in my humble opinion.
I have an Autism Spectrum Quotient of 29, the female average is 15, and Autism is usually diagnosed at 32...interesting, and I'm not entirely sure what that says about me!
Wounds are packed with a material made of seaweed to help them heal quicker.
Hague may claim not to like Come Dine With Me, but he hasn't minded watching it this week.
Things I got done this week...
My tattoo :)
The paperwork all over the house has all been sorted :)
The Living Room has been re-arranged, and once it's tidied will look fab :)
Watched 15 of the 35 episodes of Come Dine With Me on the Sky +.
Got rid of a few unwanted bits, to hopefully grateful new homes.
So not an entirely unproductive week, and as I'm sitting here, on a nice comfy bed, surrounded by lit candles (anything to avoid the inevitable Turning on of the Heating), freshly bathed and relaxing with the man I love, I can confidently say it's been a very good week, even with a gatecrasher ;) (Love you anyway Hague lol) x
It's been a good week, nothing like I planned but good nonetheless :)
I've learnt a few things, got a few things done and managed to get at least some things on my list done!
Things I've learnt this week...
The Story of O is massively overrated and a bit of a yawn fest in my humble opinion.
I have an Autism Spectrum Quotient of 29, the female average is 15, and Autism is usually diagnosed at 32...interesting, and I'm not entirely sure what that says about me!
Wounds are packed with a material made of seaweed to help them heal quicker.
Hague may claim not to like Come Dine With Me, but he hasn't minded watching it this week.
Things I got done this week...
My tattoo :)
The paperwork all over the house has all been sorted :)
The Living Room has been re-arranged, and once it's tidied will look fab :)
Watched 15 of the 35 episodes of Come Dine With Me on the Sky +.
Got rid of a few unwanted bits, to hopefully grateful new homes.
So not an entirely unproductive week, and as I'm sitting here, on a nice comfy bed, surrounded by lit candles (anything to avoid the inevitable Turning on of the Heating), freshly bathed and relaxing with the man I love, I can confidently say it's been a very good week, even with a gatecrasher ;) (Love you anyway Hague lol) x
Friday, 15 October 2010
Stats....
I love this site...it's always interesting to have a look at the stats. Blogger is fantastic for that. It lets you know when people are reading your blog, and even goes down to the detail of telling you where the readers are, and what browser and operating system they're using!
Who knew my life was so intriguing.....
Who knew my life was so intriguing.....
Warp Speed Week!
Wow! How is it possible for a week to fly by so quickly? I seriously don't know where this week has gone - I've managed one job from my list....one! And it's Friday already, Friday afternoon to be exact, shocking!
To be fair, Dan having to have his dressing changed every 48 hours has been a bit of a spanner in the old relaxing works, but the District Nurse has been lovely, very friendly and very helpful so has made it a little bit easier for us.
Today I plan to get the living room finally sorted, get it changed about and re-arranged to how I want, then we can start saving up for some new furniture :)
Perhaps I'll have a surge of productiveness over the weekend......maybe....
;)
To be fair, Dan having to have his dressing changed every 48 hours has been a bit of a spanner in the old relaxing works, but the District Nurse has been lovely, very friendly and very helpful so has made it a little bit easier for us.
Today I plan to get the living room finally sorted, get it changed about and re-arranged to how I want, then we can start saving up for some new furniture :)
Perhaps I'll have a surge of productiveness over the weekend......maybe....
;)
Monday, 11 October 2010
Out with the old and in with the new :)
Today was a long time coming! My twice delayed tattoo has finally been done!
I had a tattoo on my back. It was my second one and was done when I was 18, by a friend (who is now a well known, and well respected tattoo artist) in his kitchen. I've hated it since the moment it was done, the lines were thick and it didn't heal well, so has never looked good. As it was placed in an odd position on my back I've struggled over the years to find something that could cover it and still look good....
In August, we were browsing tattoo flash, Dan had the ink itch, and to be fair, so did I, so we were having a look at what we could have when I saw a design which would be absolutely perfect to cover up the hideous mess on my back. It was the perfect size, and although cover ups don't have to be dark, it was a dark design that wasn't a tribal blob! To be honest, I think I would have had it anyway, regardless of the cover up as it struck me straight away as something different, and something that I wanted :)
So, the first appointment available was early September, we had to cancel that due to Dan's wonderful Ex pissing about with his contact dates, so the next date was today, October 11th. I was excited, but nervous. Not nervous about the pain, just nervous that the artist wouldn't do a good job, let's face it, there is no covering up a mainly black design!
The tattoo took an hour and a half, and pretty much standard in terms of how uncomfortable it was - certainly nothing unexpectedly painful, and now I have a gorgeous design on my back, something I'll be happy to show off! Now I just have to get through the scabby stage! :)
I had a tattoo on my back. It was my second one and was done when I was 18, by a friend (who is now a well known, and well respected tattoo artist) in his kitchen. I've hated it since the moment it was done, the lines were thick and it didn't heal well, so has never looked good. As it was placed in an odd position on my back I've struggled over the years to find something that could cover it and still look good....
In August, we were browsing tattoo flash, Dan had the ink itch, and to be fair, so did I, so we were having a look at what we could have when I saw a design which would be absolutely perfect to cover up the hideous mess on my back. It was the perfect size, and although cover ups don't have to be dark, it was a dark design that wasn't a tribal blob! To be honest, I think I would have had it anyway, regardless of the cover up as it struck me straight away as something different, and something that I wanted :)
So, the first appointment available was early September, we had to cancel that due to Dan's wonderful Ex pissing about with his contact dates, so the next date was today, October 11th. I was excited, but nervous. Not nervous about the pain, just nervous that the artist wouldn't do a good job, let's face it, there is no covering up a mainly black design!
The tattoo took an hour and a half, and pretty much standard in terms of how uncomfortable it was - certainly nothing unexpectedly painful, and now I have a gorgeous design on my back, something I'll be happy to show off! Now I just have to get through the scabby stage! :)
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Ooops!
It's been a while! So much has been going on with Dan in hospital and me being so tired I can barely keep my eyes open that I've eased off the blog recently!
Dan is recovering nicely, the staples came out on Monday, and apparently he's healing nicely, but I am SO squeamish, that looking at the wound is still making me feel icky - I am such a girl when it comes to things like that!!
I fell off the diet quite spectacularly, with a gain of 3 ½ lbs, not unexpected really seeing as I pretty much did nothing but eat crap whilst Dan was in hospital, back on track a wee bit though for some of this week, which has resulted in a ½lb loss, not a huge loss, but back in the right direction.
I am really struggling to get back on plan, for some reason I had a McDonalds breakfast this morning, I have counted the calories, so will adjust the rest of the days....but I do wish I knew why I did this, I WANT to lose weight, I HATE being this size - but I crumble at the slightest suggestion.
I'm sure once Dan is back at work, and we get back into our routine I'll be fine. I'm determined to get back on full track next week, this week I have stocked up on ready meals to minimise the damage my laziness could cause. I could just be drifting into a bit of a depression, it usually shows itself first as a total lack of interest in just about everything - so quite a warning sign. I'm also feeling utterly run down, so am looking forward to my week off, even though it's not going to be quite as I planned, I guess all those girlie things will have to be put off until another time :o)
Dan is recovering nicely, the staples came out on Monday, and apparently he's healing nicely, but I am SO squeamish, that looking at the wound is still making me feel icky - I am such a girl when it comes to things like that!!
I fell off the diet quite spectacularly, with a gain of 3 ½ lbs, not unexpected really seeing as I pretty much did nothing but eat crap whilst Dan was in hospital, back on track a wee bit though for some of this week, which has resulted in a ½lb loss, not a huge loss, but back in the right direction.
I am really struggling to get back on plan, for some reason I had a McDonalds breakfast this morning, I have counted the calories, so will adjust the rest of the days....but I do wish I knew why I did this, I WANT to lose weight, I HATE being this size - but I crumble at the slightest suggestion.
I'm sure once Dan is back at work, and we get back into our routine I'll be fine. I'm determined to get back on full track next week, this week I have stocked up on ready meals to minimise the damage my laziness could cause. I could just be drifting into a bit of a depression, it usually shows itself first as a total lack of interest in just about everything - so quite a warning sign. I'm also feeling utterly run down, so am looking forward to my week off, even though it's not going to be quite as I planned, I guess all those girlie things will have to be put off until another time :o)
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Running on Empty!
Wow I'm tired! It's been one hell of a week, and with any luck Hague will be home tomorrow!
It's been a long while since I've been this tired, a combination of the worry, emotional ups and downs and just lack of rest have made me feel like one of the non-duracell bunnies from the advert...just getting slower and slower.
It has been a hard week, but I'm definitely feeling tons better now, just seeing Dan looking so obviously on the mend, and utterly without tubes has been fabulous, although I've had to be very brave today and deal with a spider, something that is normally something firmly in Dan's jurisdiction! I'm very proud of myself :)
Roll on tomorrow, fingers crossed for the news we're both waiting for!!
It's been a long while since I've been this tired, a combination of the worry, emotional ups and downs and just lack of rest have made me feel like one of the non-duracell bunnies from the advert...just getting slower and slower.
It has been a hard week, but I'm definitely feeling tons better now, just seeing Dan looking so obviously on the mend, and utterly without tubes has been fabulous, although I've had to be very brave today and deal with a spider, something that is normally something firmly in Dan's jurisdiction! I'm very proud of myself :)
Roll on tomorrow, fingers crossed for the news we're both waiting for!!
Monday, 27 September 2010
Happier, Brighter and Positive!
A much, much better today. Oh what a difference a day makes! It was like visiting a different person this evening. The quiet, depressed man I visited yesterday has morphed back into my wonderful boyfriend :)
Despite a crappy day, starting out with throwing up, Exorcist stylee, being banned from food, ignored by a Consultant and no progress with tube removal, I wasn't expecting much in the way of a good mood from Dan....but what a lovely surprise....Although frustrated, and angry, he was in a feisty, rather than defeated mood and it was so good to see.
It's so good to have come home, with the memories of giggling together, smiling at each other and chuckling over the teeny acts of rebellion he has planned for tomorrow.
I really think he's finally on the mend, and I couldn't be happier!!!
On another bright note, work have been amazing, allowing me to take the 3 days I've already had as compassionate leave, and will allow me to work from home when Dan is discharged, so I can be here for him when he settles back in at home :)
In the scheme of current things, today has been a good day, and I know I will sleep tonight knowing that the man I love is a lot brighter, and a lot closer to his old self.
Despite a crappy day, starting out with throwing up, Exorcist stylee, being banned from food, ignored by a Consultant and no progress with tube removal, I wasn't expecting much in the way of a good mood from Dan....but what a lovely surprise....Although frustrated, and angry, he was in a feisty, rather than defeated mood and it was so good to see.
It's so good to have come home, with the memories of giggling together, smiling at each other and chuckling over the teeny acts of rebellion he has planned for tomorrow.
I really think he's finally on the mend, and I couldn't be happier!!!
On another bright note, work have been amazing, allowing me to take the 3 days I've already had as compassionate leave, and will allow me to work from home when Dan is discharged, so I can be here for him when he settles back in at home :)
In the scheme of current things, today has been a good day, and I know I will sleep tonight knowing that the man I love is a lot brighter, and a lot closer to his old self.
Sunday, 26 September 2010
Trying to stay afloat
I'm sure these blogs will be boringly similar, but it is helping me to get through these days without Dan to just witter on about how I'm feeling.
I'm missing him ridiculous amounts, and I'm scared as well. He is rapidly going downhill into depression at being stuck in hospital. It seems that the better he is getting physically, the worse he is mentally. Tonight's visit was almost like visiting someone I didn't know - and there is nothing I can do to help.
I feel like everything I'm asking him is annoying him, when I try to help, or to chat, I feel like he is biting his tongue from telling me to sod off. He is so angry and frustrated, and he has a long recovery ahead of him.
I'm so upset at seeing him like this, I want to be able to cheer him up when I see him, but nothing seems to lift him. I can't wait for him to come out and be at home, at least he will be more comfortable then, and have things to do, even if it is just watch sky and go on Facebook.
I love him so, so much, and I just want My Daniel back, I want to be able to see him smile, to hold his hand, feel him lying next to me and for him to be happy again.
I'm missing him ridiculous amounts, and I'm scared as well. He is rapidly going downhill into depression at being stuck in hospital. It seems that the better he is getting physically, the worse he is mentally. Tonight's visit was almost like visiting someone I didn't know - and there is nothing I can do to help.
I feel like everything I'm asking him is annoying him, when I try to help, or to chat, I feel like he is biting his tongue from telling me to sod off. He is so angry and frustrated, and he has a long recovery ahead of him.
I'm so upset at seeing him like this, I want to be able to cheer him up when I see him, but nothing seems to lift him. I can't wait for him to come out and be at home, at least he will be more comfortable then, and have things to do, even if it is just watch sky and go on Facebook.
I love him so, so much, and I just want My Daniel back, I want to be able to see him smile, to hold his hand, feel him lying next to me and for him to be happy again.
Saturday, 25 September 2010
Lonely times
I'm finding this really hard. Dan has been in hospital for 3 nights now, and I've left him for the 4th one.
I am getting to see him for 5 hours a day, and it's only that long as I'm ignoring the break between visiting times.
He is getting so fed up with being in hospital, with being unable to even get out of bed and having pretty much nothing to do except stare at a 14" television for hours on end.
I find it so upsetting to see him like this. My big, strong, gorgeous man with tubes going in and coming out and struggling to move without being in pain.
I feel so helpless, I can't take his pain away, or give him any more mobility, I can't raise his mood any more than the odd smile now and again whilst we talk....
The hardest thing is that all I can do is hold his hand....I am desperate to feel his arms around me, to be able to lie next to him and feel him lying close to me, to have more than a quick hello and goodbye peck.
I've not felt this out of sorts since we've been together - I'm feeling like I'm moving through a thick fog, insulated from everything happening "outside". I know he will get better, I know this will not last, that he'll be out soon and well on his way to his old self - but right now I'm struggling to cope without him.
I am getting to see him for 5 hours a day, and it's only that long as I'm ignoring the break between visiting times.
He is getting so fed up with being in hospital, with being unable to even get out of bed and having pretty much nothing to do except stare at a 14" television for hours on end.
I find it so upsetting to see him like this. My big, strong, gorgeous man with tubes going in and coming out and struggling to move without being in pain.
I feel so helpless, I can't take his pain away, or give him any more mobility, I can't raise his mood any more than the odd smile now and again whilst we talk....
The hardest thing is that all I can do is hold his hand....I am desperate to feel his arms around me, to be able to lie next to him and feel him lying close to me, to have more than a quick hello and goodbye peck.
I've not felt this out of sorts since we've been together - I'm feeling like I'm moving through a thick fog, insulated from everything happening "outside". I know he will get better, I know this will not last, that he'll be out soon and well on his way to his old self - but right now I'm struggling to cope without him.
Thursday, 23 September 2010
Am I sad? Or just lucky?
I've just had the call I was waiting for, the man I love is out of surgery, minus his "nasty appendix" and comfortable.
I am so relieved, I didn't realise quite how tense I was until I heard he was okay! Funny how that happens, and although I'm a bit teary, I'm much calmer now.
Now I face another problem....sleeping! I have been living with Dan for close to 2 years now. In that time you can count on one hand the nights we have spent apart. During the night we reach out for each other, and need to have some contact to sleep soundly.
Some may call this a bit sad, and to some, I guess it is. I just consider it part of the closeness I feel to him, part of our togetherness, and part of what makes him my lobster ;)
I am so relieved, I didn't realise quite how tense I was until I heard he was okay! Funny how that happens, and although I'm a bit teary, I'm much calmer now.
Now I face another problem....sleeping! I have been living with Dan for close to 2 years now. In that time you can count on one hand the nights we have spent apart. During the night we reach out for each other, and need to have some contact to sleep soundly.
Some may call this a bit sad, and to some, I guess it is. I just consider it part of the closeness I feel to him, part of our togetherness, and part of what makes him my lobster ;)
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Scary Day!
It's been a long day, and it's not over yet! Hague has been ill since last week, we both thought he had a nasty bout of food poisoning, and that he had maybe pulled a stomach muscle as he was so ill....
From first feeling ill on Friday, he was in agony this morning, and rang the GP. Almost straight away he diagnosed a ruptured appendix! The symptoms are scarily close to that of an upset stomach, only with no diarrhoea and increasing pain, so on a plus side I've learnt that if I'm throwing up and my pee looks like lucozade, I'd best get myself checked out!
He was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and although I was feeling quite calm, I was also pretty scared, I don't know much, but I know a burst appendix is dangerous. The staff at the James Paget were good, and he was on a ward within about 2 1/2 hours of coming in.
He went up to surgery at 8pm tonight. I am waiting to call the ward to see how it went. I'm so worried, which I know is natural, but I just want to hear that he is alright. It sounds soppy and clichéd, but it's at times like this your feelings for someone are reinforced just that little bit more. I can't wait to see him tomorrow, and after him being in pretty much too much pain for a big hug for the last day or so, I can't wait for an enormous cuddle either.
Me and Hague...
From first feeling ill on Friday, he was in agony this morning, and rang the GP. Almost straight away he diagnosed a ruptured appendix! The symptoms are scarily close to that of an upset stomach, only with no diarrhoea and increasing pain, so on a plus side I've learnt that if I'm throwing up and my pee looks like lucozade, I'd best get myself checked out!
He was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and although I was feeling quite calm, I was also pretty scared, I don't know much, but I know a burst appendix is dangerous. The staff at the James Paget were good, and he was on a ward within about 2 1/2 hours of coming in.
He went up to surgery at 8pm tonight. I am waiting to call the ward to see how it went. I'm so worried, which I know is natural, but I just want to hear that he is alright. It sounds soppy and clichéd, but it's at times like this your feelings for someone are reinforced just that little bit more. I can't wait to see him tomorrow, and after him being in pretty much too much pain for a big hug for the last day or so, I can't wait for an enormous cuddle either.
Me and Hague...
Sunday, 19 September 2010
Being constructive
You may have noticed that I have a week off work booked. I'm not going away, just chilling out for a week, however there are also some things I'd like to finally get done whilst I'm off, so I thought I would list them on here, as a little bit of an incentive to get them done!
- Sort out my wardrobe.
- Sort out the cupboard under the stairs.
- Give the bedroom a huge spring clean.
- Sort all the random paperwork scattered around the house.
- Sort out the airing cupboard and launder all the towels in there.
- Sort everything in the house that can be ebay-ed, and ebay it!
- Sort out the kitchen cupboards.
As you can see, I'm going to be busy, but I also have a list of nice things I want to do...
- Get inked (tattoo is booked for October 11th).
- Watch all the Come Dine With Me episodes on my Sky+ box (loads! glee!).
- Watch the old BBC Narnia DVD's.
- Have a pamper day (just indoors, just me lol).
- Get a manicure ( I can't wear nail varnish at work, so will be a treat to have painted nails).
- Be a good little wifey to Dan, cook his meals and generally look after him all week.
It will be quite the novelty just pleasing myself for a week. Since Dan moved in, he was at first unemployed, and now works shorter hours than me, so I am never in the house alone, it will be strange having the place to myself again :)
I wonder how many from each list will get done! lol!
Sooooooo bored!
I am bored.....Dan is sick, and is sleeping, but he only really sleeps when I'm here - so here I am.
I don't want to wake him, so can't put the TV on. Same goes for reading as the curtains are closed!
Facebook has entertained me as much as it's able to, and the rest of the t'interwebs will just be full of things I want to buy but can't so will make me grumpy as well as bored!
Trust me to wake up early on a day of nothingness *sigh*
Oh well, when you love someone you take the rough with the smooth, so I guess I'll have to find something in a dark bedroom to entertain myself, as typing this blog took mere moments to do!
I don't want to wake him, so can't put the TV on. Same goes for reading as the curtains are closed!
Facebook has entertained me as much as it's able to, and the rest of the t'interwebs will just be full of things I want to buy but can't so will make me grumpy as well as bored!
Trust me to wake up early on a day of nothingness *sigh*
Oh well, when you love someone you take the rough with the smooth, so I guess I'll have to find something in a dark bedroom to entertain myself, as typing this blog took mere moments to do!
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Heading in the right direction
Another week, another weigh in, and once again I’m heading in the right direction! Another lb off this week gives me a total loss of 16½ lbs gone in 7 weeks, not a bad loss at all, and I’m still enjoying the diet as much as ever.
I’ve always avoided calorie counting before as I was always worried I wouldn’t have enough to eat, but this has been a real eye-opener! Some days I can’t eat everything I’m supposed to. So, 7 weeks in and Tesco diets are still getting a big thumbs up from me!
In other news, as they say, the crates arrived yesterday for Mutley and Boo. Mutley took to his like a duck to water, with his bedding in there he was more than happy to settle down and snuggle up in there. Perhaps as it’s keeping Bayleigh out of his way lol!
Madam Boo was more of a problem, at first she just glared at it, then barked and howled at it, but after a bit of reassurance she went in and seems happy enough to curl up in there.
It’s going to be a slow process getting to the point where they are happy to be shut in there, so far the doors have remained open, but I’m hoping that this, and the set times for “outside time” (dumping to me and you lol) we’ll have much happier, settled doggies, and no mess in the house…..
….Which leads nicely to my next little ambition…to reclaim downstairs, and have a lovely living room again. One step at a time though methinks!
I’ve always avoided calorie counting before as I was always worried I wouldn’t have enough to eat, but this has been a real eye-opener! Some days I can’t eat everything I’m supposed to. So, 7 weeks in and Tesco diets are still getting a big thumbs up from me!
In other news, as they say, the crates arrived yesterday for Mutley and Boo. Mutley took to his like a duck to water, with his bedding in there he was more than happy to settle down and snuggle up in there. Perhaps as it’s keeping Bayleigh out of his way lol!
Madam Boo was more of a problem, at first she just glared at it, then barked and howled at it, but after a bit of reassurance she went in and seems happy enough to curl up in there.
It’s going to be a slow process getting to the point where they are happy to be shut in there, so far the doors have remained open, but I’m hoping that this, and the set times for “outside time” (dumping to me and you lol) we’ll have much happier, settled doggies, and no mess in the house…..
….Which leads nicely to my next little ambition…to reclaim downstairs, and have a lovely living room again. One step at a time though methinks!
Monday, 13 September 2010
Break or Break?
I need a break. Not just in a wishy washy “Ooh a day off would be nice” I need to have some time to myself, to relax, to wind down and just recharge my batteries.
In my previous job, I used to get 10 weeks off a year, fair enough I couldn’t choose when to take them, but I still got a break from work. I started this job in January 2008 and since that time I have only had 3 full weeks off, and none of those were for holiday – I was either ill, or having some personal trauma.
It’s now September 2010, and the longest amount of time I’ve had away from work just to chill has been 3 days…. Not enough, and when you consider what the last 2½ years have consisted of, nowhere near enough!
They say there is a hierarchy of stressful events, I think I’ve been through most of them recently, except for death and moving!
Coming to terms with the fact that my marriage was over, the aftermath of that and the resulting divorce, including the knowledge that I was breaking someone’s heart in the process.
The realisation that I was falling in love with my friend’s husband, and that he was falling in love with me (not as clear cut as the statement suggests, but still not the most romantic way to meet).
The massive and continuing fallout of the breakdown of his marriage.
The struggle to gain access to his children.
Dan being out of work for 18 months.
The resulting debt problems from supporting both of us through that time.
So, it hasn’t been a bed of roses. It’s not doom and gloom, our relationship has taken a number of serious batterings in its short life, but we are still together, and still happy, but dealing with everything just gets too much sometimes!!
Although I only get 5 precious weeks of holiday a year, I am taking a week in October. It will be a week for me. I will be doing what I want, when I want for the entire week. I will be relaxing and just enjoying some me time, and hopefully recharging my batteries for what the rest of the year is going to bring us.
I’m hoping that just taking some time out will be enough and that I’ll come back calmer, stronger and de-frazzled, after all, that’s what holidays are for!
In my previous job, I used to get 10 weeks off a year, fair enough I couldn’t choose when to take them, but I still got a break from work. I started this job in January 2008 and since that time I have only had 3 full weeks off, and none of those were for holiday – I was either ill, or having some personal trauma.
It’s now September 2010, and the longest amount of time I’ve had away from work just to chill has been 3 days…. Not enough, and when you consider what the last 2½ years have consisted of, nowhere near enough!
They say there is a hierarchy of stressful events, I think I’ve been through most of them recently, except for death and moving!
Coming to terms with the fact that my marriage was over, the aftermath of that and the resulting divorce, including the knowledge that I was breaking someone’s heart in the process.
The realisation that I was falling in love with my friend’s husband, and that he was falling in love with me (not as clear cut as the statement suggests, but still not the most romantic way to meet).
The massive and continuing fallout of the breakdown of his marriage.
The struggle to gain access to his children.
Dan being out of work for 18 months.
The resulting debt problems from supporting both of us through that time.
So, it hasn’t been a bed of roses. It’s not doom and gloom, our relationship has taken a number of serious batterings in its short life, but we are still together, and still happy, but dealing with everything just gets too much sometimes!!
Although I only get 5 precious weeks of holiday a year, I am taking a week in October. It will be a week for me. I will be doing what I want, when I want for the entire week. I will be relaxing and just enjoying some me time, and hopefully recharging my batteries for what the rest of the year is going to bring us.
I’m hoping that just taking some time out will be enough and that I’ll come back calmer, stronger and de-frazzled, after all, that’s what holidays are for!
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Simple Joys
Every time I see one, if I have a camera on me, I'll try and take a picture, funny how they can all look so different. The picture above was taken as I was leaving work, as you can see, the sky is clear, but there it was - beautiful.
The one below was taken in Great Yarmouth, it was amazing. A full, double rainbow. You can just about make out the second one above the first. Such a rarity to see, and although I couldn't get the whole of it into the photo, I still like the picture. For me, silly as I am, it was a "Wow" moment that I wanted to record.
Strange how such moments of the simple beauty of nature can make you stop everything and appreciate the wonders of the everyday world.
Wednesday, 8 September 2010
Weighty Wednesdays!
If you ever read my LiveJournal blog, (ClicketyLinkety) you'll know I started a new diet on the 2nd of August. Today was my 6th weigh in and I've now lost a grand total of 15 1/2lbs in that time.
I've added my ticker to this blog as well, so it will be a constant source of motivation seeing it getting closer and closer to my target as I stay on plan.
As you can see from the ticker, I have a lot to lose, but (once again, lol) I am determined to do it this time. I'm well on my way there, and Dan is great support, when he isn't plying me with alkyhol that is ;)
Wednesdays are anticipated for another reason, it's the day that Dan gets to chat to his boys on the phone. Just being able to hear him speak to them, and hear how excited they are to talk to their Dad is something special, and I know it gives him a huge boost, but it leaves me happy as well, even hearing them is better than nothing.
On top of all that......it's HumpDay as well! What's not to like? :)
I've added my ticker to this blog as well, so it will be a constant source of motivation seeing it getting closer and closer to my target as I stay on plan.
As you can see from the ticker, I have a lot to lose, but (once again, lol) I am determined to do it this time. I'm well on my way there, and Dan is great support, when he isn't plying me with alkyhol that is ;)
Wednesdays are anticipated for another reason, it's the day that Dan gets to chat to his boys on the phone. Just being able to hear him speak to them, and hear how excited they are to talk to their Dad is something special, and I know it gives him a huge boost, but it leaves me happy as well, even hearing them is better than nothing.
On top of all that......it's HumpDay as well! What's not to like? :)
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Dogs....Man's Best Friend???!!?
Don't they look adorable? Oh the joys of dog ownership, fancy sharing your life with two beautiful doggies like that.......Hmmm not so much today. Today I am at the end of my tether with the pair of them.
Between them they have pretty much destroyed the downstairs of the house, and for some reason have decided to forget that they are house trained, we cannot leave the house without one or the other of them messing somewhere. We have tried everything to get them to behave, to remember their housetraining but no luck.
So we have come to a decision, we shall be crate training them. If they can't be trusted to be out, they will be crated when we are at work. Dogs tend not to see crates as we do, they seem them as security, but I can see we are going to have our work cut out with training a 5 year old Basset and a 13 year old Doberman to love a crate.
It will work, I will make sure it works, I'll make sure they are happy and secure in their new cratey homes and I AM going to claim back the living room for human habitation - and who knows, maybe, just maybe I'll be able to have a new sofa without fears of it getting destroyed (by dogs anyway!)
Monday, 6 September 2010
Wonderful weekend
I had a lovely weekend, it's always nice to get out and about, and this weekend was the Maritime Festival in Yarmouth. So we had a nice afternoon in the sun. We then came home and got utterly sozzled, this wasn't planned, but we were up til daylight appeared and then some! :)
I'll grow up one day I guess....just not quite yet! Yesterday was spent recovering for obvious reasons, and now I'm back at work, back to the daily grind - and without a lottery win again this Saturday, it looks like I'm here for the whole week!
In other news, Dan had an interview today for a permanent job at his current placement. I hope more than anything he gets it - he loves it there, and I think it would be wonderful if he didn't have to worry about leaving in October.
Everything was crossed for you Babe! x
I'll grow up one day I guess....just not quite yet! Yesterday was spent recovering for obvious reasons, and now I'm back at work, back to the daily grind - and without a lottery win again this Saturday, it looks like I'm here for the whole week!
In other news, Dan had an interview today for a permanent job at his current placement. I hope more than anything he gets it - he loves it there, and I think it would be wonderful if he didn't have to worry about leaving in October.
Everything was crossed for you Babe! x
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