How Time Flies!

Two weeks, gone. Just like that! Unbelievable how quickly a holiday flies by. I'll be back to blog properly but as I've just uploaded all the pictures to Facebook, updated my 365 project and still haven't unpacked (my priorities never are ordinary...) I now need to go and enjoy the Bank Holiday weekend.

Normal service will be resumed ASAP :)

Mere Hours..

There are mere hours to go now until the long awaited, much needed holiday begins! In just under 12 hours we will be heading to Heathrow airport before jetting off the beautiful island of Cyprus for 2 delicious weeks.


The many things that had to be done are nearly done (although my European Health Card has gone totally AWOL in the 3 weeks since it arrived..) The last load of washing is in the machine. The survival guide to The Menagerie has been written and is all ready for our house/pet sitter. Holiday money is mine, an anniversary card has even been bought for The Parentals!


All that remains to be done is the packing, and the dying of my hair - I have chosen purple for my holiday hair, and just hope that it takes (and covers the pesky little greys).


So, I shall be absent for 2 weeks, I doubt the villa has wi-fi so no blogging, no Facebook, Twitter or anything else. Just sunshine, relaxation and enjoying time with my family for a celebration of 40 years of marriage.


So before I go, here is where we are heading off to, catch you on the other side!


Holiday Heaven

It's Always Someone Else's Fault...

After the third night of "riots" in London, people are now queuing up to make excuses for these "disenfranchised" members of the community.

Apparently it is the fault of the Police for using their powers of Stop and Search, it is the fault of the Government for making cuts. It is the fault of advertisers for making people want top end goods. It's the fault of everyone else....

No, it's not. If someone has nothing to hide, why would they protest about stop and search? I'd happily be searched if I thought it would stop crime in my community and I was innocent. Government cuts are a sticky subject perhaps, but the country is bankrupt, everyone is struggling, and funnily enough not everyone sees it as their right to go and help themselves to whatever they want from Currys. As for blaming companies for making us want things....that's probably the most idiotic line I've heard. Are these people so mindless that they feel it is their right to have whatever they want?

Unfortunately this seems to be the society we live in. A society where people know all of their rights, but none of their responsibilities, where kids running wild, organising where they can loot next on their Blackberries, are portrayed as disadvantaged! Where people expect to be handed a living with no input whatsoever.

Society is on the brink of total breakdown, this is what happens when discipline and respect disappear. God help us all :(

Many Things

There are now 5 days left until we leave for our holiday. I have many things left to do, but I am currently sitting on the sofa watching Keeping Up Appearances and pondering another cup of tea.


Some are rather important, such as ensuring the house is not looking like it's usual bombsite crossed with student digs when our house/animal sitter arrives on Saturday. As well as ensuring she has enough information to hand to survive a fortnight with our ever more eccentric Menagerie and our temperamental appliances.


Other things are pretty damn essential, such as making sure the documents we need (passports, health card thingies) are not forgotten and are liberated from The Safe Place to avoid a panic stricken search on Saturday morning and changing normal money into holiday money!


Some things are essential only to me, such as reducing the caterpillars currently residing over my eyes back to normal eyebrow levels, defuzzing most parts of myself and dying my hair as funds will not currently stretch to a visit to my lovely hairdressers :(


Finally, All The Clothes need to be washed to ensure maximum choice from which to pack. Then they need to be smooshed into two bags, which need to be light enough for us to actually carry. Along with the clothes need to be the 79084978395493 chargers I need to take for my various gadgets that I cannot leave home without. I also need to find a handbag/Mary Poppins/Hermione Granger type bag to use as hand luggage to hold all the "essential" items I may need during the flight.


I'm exhausted just writing about all the things I have to do - best get another cup of tea!

Weighing It All Up

I guess one of the main symptoms of depression and stress is not being able to see the wood for the trees, not seeing anything good or bright or cheerful in the world, losing your enthusiasm and the ability to see the beauty around you.


Rather than just allowing my drift downwards to continue I have decided to try and pick out the good and bad in my days to see if they really are as bad as they seem...


So....the bad...
Not sleeping very well (again) so feeling really tired.
My Dad's birthday present not arriving today despite me spending extra to ensure it was delivered today.
Not taking a very good 365 picture.
Dumbfoundus being cut out of Come Dine With Me.


And the good...
It was my Dad's birthday, so everyone was in a lovely mood.
The dress my Mum bought me yesterday fits and looks nice to boot.
I got to spend the afternoon listening to all Jenna and Carys' news.
An hour in the hot tub is enough to relax anyone.
The weather stayed dry and warm.
When I dug out my swimsuit to take to The Parentals today, there was a top in bag that I'd forgotten I had :)


So there you have it - depression or not, overall today was a good day, and I have to do my best to recognise them when I have them, and help myself out of this illness sooner rather than later.

Safety Nets

I guess we only really find out what sort of safety nets we have when the time comes that they're needed. I've been feeling worse and worse for a while, everything stacking up on top of me, and by yesterday the realisation hit me that it was time to check if that safety net could catch me....


I guess it did - my GP is concerned, understanding and wants to help as much as she possibly can. Hague is a safety net all of his own and despite the mood swings, shouting and over the top behaviour, he is, was and always will be there for me, through everything. A wonderful friend sent texts so full of concern and offers of help that it brought tears to my eyes, and reminded me just how deep some of my friendships are.


Although I have never been hugely close to my family, they are always there for me when it counts, and today my Mum and Sister were fabulous. They invited me out for some shopping and lunch, and my instinct was to refuse, I was feeling fragile, down and vulnerable but Hague encouraged me to go. 


They listened, they laughed, they encouraged positivity, they pointed out all the bright spots that are hiding in the darkness for me at the moment. They dragged smiles out of me and made me feel better, by doing nothing out of the ordinary whatsoever.


I guess that's the power of a safety net, you're not supposed to know you need them until the support is suddenly there, and today it really was, and I'm truly grateful.

One ?

Apparently you learn one new thing every day.....but today I have learn - oooh - squillions :o)


Days that start in a rather poo manner, definitely don't have to stay that way.
Mcdonalds hash browns taste bloody awful cold.
The Sutton Bridge takes about 17 days to open and close again o_O
The weather app on my phone really has NO idea what the weather will actually be.
Mcdonalds free wi-fi doesn't spread that far from the actual restaurant!
There is a Trans-Pennine Trail that crosses the whole country (and I found a pretty bit of it today).
The sun does shine (and burn. A lot) Ooop North.
This....

...is the caterpillar of the Cinnabar Moth.
Ladybirds never stay bloody still when you want them to.
How to use my x10 magnification filter (at last)
Teeny frogs are impossible to focus on.
Sam reserves his most angelic of smiles for when he's just about to try and swipe your drink.
I will never be able to unwrap a clingfilmed item again without giggling.
There is a "Wall of Death" currently on a world tour...
The Little Chef at Newark has probably the cruddiest toilets in the world.
There are now only 13 days left until Cyprus....okay so I didn't really learn that today, but it is rather exciting :o)

Scary Times!

I’m not much of a one for change. I like things to stay as they are, and I’ve never been one of those dynamic, career driven women….all shoulder pads, high heels and chips on the shoulder. I’m more of a low maintenance, get the job done, get home and enjoy the money it brings in type of gal, and as such I’ve tended to stay in the same jobs for years, only moving on when I have to.

With all the recent upheaval at work, I’m feeling deeply unsettled, and am not relishing the prospect of returning to a job on the line. Not that there is anything wrong with a job on the line (or the weeks off!) I just don’t want to have wasted my time since January 2008 learning and developing a load of skills I’ll never use again. So I have been combing the papers and job websites for something interesting, and that will pay the wages I need to live the life of poverty we currently “enjoy”

This is not an easy task, wages are not high in Suffolk/Norfolk, and my skill set is firmly in the type of area that is the first to be cut back in the current financial climate. That said I have found a few jobs that intrigue me and so I have re-entered the world of CV’s, application forms and personal statements….. I am beyond useless at bigging myself up, utterly forgetful when it comes to achievements and hate having to analyse what I do and have done to channel it towards a job description. I find it stressful and it puts me totally out of my comfort zone…but I have taken the decision to look for something else, and so I shall plunge into it headfirst – however scary I find it. All positive vibes, crossed fingers and advice gratefully received! :o)

Monetary Musings...

This morning on the news the two main headlines were that our economy is in the sh*tter (for want of a better phrase) as the GDP only grew by 0.2% in 3 months, and that America has one week to sort its economic policy out or it's broke.....Now, I have little to no understanding on how the world economy works, but all day I've just been sitting here thinking about it, more and more questions whizzing round my head....

How can the whole world be in debt?
If the whole world is in debt, who do they owe all the money to?
If the whole world decides not to pay up….what will happen?
If the worst thing to happen is that all the banks lose the money they lent to everyone – is that such a bad thing?
If debt was completely removed from the equation, would the world be an easier place to run?
If everyone from corporations to countries to a teenager fresh out of school knew there was no borrowing of money, how different would the world be?
Is the world awash with money that doesn’t actually exist?
If money goes into my bank, and then out again via a debit card or direct debit….did it ever really exist as cold hard cash?
How can a debt every really be repaid if all money is lent by the banks, who print the money, then add interest to the loan?
Where does the money for the interest come from?

Hmmm I wish I understood economies, monetary systems or even how countries can be in debt by billions, how have we got into such a mess? Brought to you by the girl who can barely afford to buy food anymore….

A Very Sad Day

The news has just been confirmed that Amy Winehouse has been found dead, she was 27. I'm sure most people have an opinion on her, and I'm sure that quite a few have nothing good to say about her.


Her voice, and her ability to write songs that spoke directly from her heart cannot be denied. Her stunning talent is undeniable.


I have listened to her and loved her music for many years, her voice has been the soundtrack to so many wonderful moments in my life, and her songs will always be among my all time favourites.


I'm not someone who is enthralled by celebrity, normally a celebrity death is accompanied by a shrug of the shoulders and an acknowledgement of how sad it is, but I am genuinely and deeply upset by this news, of the loss of a troubled young woman with unbelievable talent. I just hope that she has now found the peace that she never found in her short life. 


The brightest stars seem to shine for such a short time.


RIP Amy Winehouse, you will never be forgotten.

More Countdowns!

Firstly...work crap....I told the management my decision today (to stay - for now - although they don't know the for now bit - except they might now - doh). Although due to appeals the final decision won't be made for, oh fecking ages, although they doesn't stop me from missing out on keeping my job!


On much nicer ground, my passport has finally arrived! I was starting to worry slightly, especially as I got a letter asking for more paperwork at the start of the week, but it appeared, safe and sound this afternoon!


So that means I can fully concentrate on getting excited about the holiday! Holiday clothes are all purchased, a housesitter (a very lovely one) is all sorted, holiday money is saved. Literally all we have to do now is change up the monetaries and pack! That's it! I am so excited! I've not had a proper holiday in years (think it's 5 or 6) and it will be the first holiday that me and Hague have taken together, what's not to be excited about??


Cyprus, for 2 weeks, in glorious sunshine. Nothing to do but enjoy good food, wonderful weather, 14 fabulous days with my gorgeous Hague, wonderful people and a villa with it's own pool. Add to that 2 weeks without work and 2 weeks spent with my gorgeous Nieces and I'm sure you can appreciate why I am overexcited!! 22 days and counting!

A Rest And A Break

I've not been at work since last Wednesday. I've taken the time I've been away to mull over what to do about my job on one level, but on another level I'm been doing my best to relax.

It's easy not to think about my job when I'm not at work, to not even think about the decision to be made on Friday, but I guess deep down I know what I'll end up doing, whether that will be for the best or not I guess only time will tell.


This weekend has been just lovely. We have done nothing but relax. The weather has conspired to keep us indoors, it's been rainy and grey despite being July so we've been reading Harry Potter books and watching films. It's funny how the nicest of weekends can come out of nothing - we had no plans beyond seeing Deathly Hallows on Friday, and yet we've had a wonderful few days :)


We also got to meet our housesitter/pet sitter Georgina, and Boo and Flump seemed to love her, so hopefully all will be fine and dandy when we have our long-awaited holiday to Cyprus :). The only spanner in the holiday works at the moment is my passport, which despite me getting it checked at the Post Office, requires more paperwork.....not good! Fingers crossed please everyone???

And So It Begins...And Ends...

Ah....Friday, how I love thee. Do you know what makes Friday's even better? When you aren't at work! Something that can help make them even more amazing is going out, not just going out, but going out and seeing the new Harry Potter film in 3D on an IMax screen.

It is only just coming up for 9.30pm and today has been wonderful, relaxing in the morning, seeing the final Potter film (which was just amazing, epic and fantabulous, everything I hoped it would be) meeting up with my cousin Gary and his lovely girlfriend Laura - who seem to be just about perfect together. A nice meal, and now lots of alkyhol and sillyness on the television.

This weekend WILL be a good one, I shall not let anything spoil it, nasty things shall be banished until Tuesday, simple as that. This weekend is about having fun, being with people I love and relaxing, putting worries to one side and getting on with living and loving and having the best time we can!

Decisions

I'm useless at making them, and now I have to make a HUGE one. The pieces of the puzzle are getting clearer by the day, but my mind is still not in the right place, it's whizzing and whirring around, trying to fit everything together. I can't concentrate on anything.


I've taken today off work (I'm already off on Friday and Monday) and will take the time to get my decision made once and for all (with an obvious break to see Harry Potter tomorrow squee joy etc).


I hate being in this position, but I am, and I need to get things sorted out once and for all, and I need to make sure I make the right decision for me, so many caring people are putting in their two-penneth worth, and it all helps to clarify, but I need to do this myself, I need to think of what's best for me, for our future, and it's not something I'm taking lightly. Wish me luck :)

What Next?

Well, the expected (but unwanted) has happened. I am one of the three who will lose their Continuous Improvement role....there is a job back as a operator available for me though.


Although I expected this, I can't help but be upset. I enjoyed this job, felt I was good at it and have gained some significant skills in the last 3 1/2 years, but I was deemed not good enough to stay.


It's a hard thing to come to terms with, and although yesterday I was of the mind that I just wanted a job, any job, now the decision has been made I'm not so sure....


I have to take some time to think, to decide whether to stay with Britvic, a company that has rewarded my work with redundancy, but pays well, or to take the opportunity to move on, and find something else where I can actually use my skills and knowledge, and will be a valued employee.


I'm not stupid, I won't make any rash decisions, but I need to think about this, need to think about where my life should go now I'm at this crossroads. I need to do what's best for me, at least I know that Dan will be behind me whatever my decision, and he's already being wonderfully supportive by providing me with lots of hot tea and chocolate biscuits.

The Big Issue

Hopefully I'm not at that point just yet, but I seem to have spent most of the last couple of weeks either wallowing in the issue of the upcoming redundancy decision or trying my hardest not to think about it.


At work it's SO hard not to think about it, everyone is asking about it, and the people affected can't help but discuss and dissect the issue almost constantly.


Last weekend I did quite a good job of not thinking about it at all and managed to have a pretty good weekend. I'm not quite sure if I'll be able to manage it this weekend, 11th of July seems a hell of a lot closer from here, but I am determined to do my best. Tonight will be a relaxing one, and the rest of the weekend is supposed to be quite busy so hopefully that will help.


I guess that 10am Monday morning will get here when it gets here, and then at least I will know what's happening and be able to sort things out in my head, and at last think about what to do going forward. Whatever happens, everything at work will change, I need to focus on that now, and not worry what that change will mean for me.


(Beer tonight will help I'm sure!)

The Birthday's Keep On Coming!

Today it's the turn of my Mum! It seems impossible that it's been a year since since became a pensioner...strange when she has done nothing but talk about her pension since her birthday last year!! Up until 3 years ago it was also my Wedding Anniversary (my Summer's just weren't celebratory enough obviously) but the divorce put an end to that.


So the 5th of July is back under the sole guardianship of my Mum. At the moment she spends a lot of time in Essex, my Dad is working in London again and so he likes to have her down there, and it means she can spend time with my Nan as well (another July birthday!) so present opportunities are limited to what can be delivered.


Flowers are never a good option when Mum spends a mad amount of time driving up and down the M11, and chocolates are a bit, well, boring. So I was at a bit of a loss until I remembered the business my old school friend had set up.....


So cupcakes it was to be, and whilst the pictures I had seen of her work were amazing, I truly didn't expect such exquisitely decorated cakes to be delivered to my Mum today. The text I got from her saying how lovely they were was priceless, and I'm glad that despite not being able to see my Mum today I put a smile on her (and undoubtedly my Nan's) face.


The Stunning CupCakes :)
(Marcola Cupcakes)

A Snapshot Of Summer

Right now all my senses are overwhelmed with Summer and I just had to share this feeling. The right here, and right now...


The wonderful walk this morning in the sun with Bayleigh, gorgeous sunshine, with a sea breeze. Bright colours everywhere as people enjoyed the British seaside.
Home to a lovely cool house, windows opened wide and the golden rays of the sun shining through the room.
The strawberries we have which are so juicy you bite into them and the juice runs down your chin, and which are beyond delicious.
Sharing cold, cold beers with the Man I love, each topped with a slice of lime.
Eating crusty olive and tomato bread, dipped into olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
Looking up and seeing the most breath-taking colour blue in the sky outside, deep and clear.
The ever so subtle aroma of a barbeque wafting in and out on the breeze.


Just Summer....just perfect, just a lovely moment in the year, but one I wanted to capture and remember.

Half Way

It's July, six months gone by, with six more to go! The half-way point of 2011 already. In some ways it's not been a great year but in others it's an improvement on last year.


I guess the most immediate success to my mind is my 365 Project, I set out to take a photograph every day, and I wanted that photo to be completely unedited in anyway. I have managed that, and I am so proud of myself :) Sometimes a photo does cry out to be edited or improved, but this way it's my photography that's improving, not my computer skills. It's been one hell of a journey and I cannot believe how much I have learnt. I can honestly say that I have taken photographs in the last six months that I never ever dreamed I could capture and that, if nothing else is something to take from this year.


The rest of my goals for this year have passed by the wayside, weight has been losed and gained, money has been saved and then frittered away. Perhaps I'll focus more on these later in the year, but for now the 182 photographs that so far make up my project are the biggest achievement for 2011, by a long, long way!


The First 6 Months :)

Darkest Before Dawn?

So the saying goes, and believe me I hope that one is true. At the moment it seems to be one thing after the other, and not little things, not broken fingernails and gaining a lb. We're talking huge, life changing events that throw your whole life upside down.


I don't know where I am at the moment, even the ground beneath my feet doesn't feel solid anymore. I am trying so hard to stay positive, to not let myself get swamped by the (seemingly) never ending pile of shite my life seems to have become....


I'm hoping that normal service will shortly be resumed, that I'll have something nice, funny, interesting or just merrily random to post - so apologies, I'm doing my best! xx

I Don't Like Mondays (Especially This One)

I never have liked Mondays, but today has been pretty crap. I guess for people who aren’t at work it’s been lovely. Bright sunshine to enjoy in whichever way you choose.


I’ve been stuck at work, in an office where I can’t see the sun, trying and failing to stop myself thinking about the 11th of July and what the outcome will be for me. I can’t help but feel that my life will be changing quite dramatically very soon, and not in a good way. I hate feeling unsettled like this, I like to know what’s going on, in fact when it comes to work being stuck in a rut isn’t a bad thing. I like being able to rely on my job, on my wages and right now everything has been thrown up in the air and I just have to wait until the pieces fall back down.


The weekend was so, so lovely, and it felt easy to let the worries melt away. To feel that as things were out of my hands it was futile to worry. However, being back at work has brought everything into sharp focus. It’s just about the first thing people ask me about and just being here has made everything real again, something to worry about again. It’s a horrible feeling, and as much as I moan about work I have truly never felt as miserable to be here as I do at the moment. Enthusiasm and motivation are gone. All the tasks and projects that I was planning to get my teeth into are colourless, pointless, until I know…..But then you have the other question…What to do when I DO know, when the axe has fallen. If I keep my job, 3 others are losing theirs, maybe not unemployed, but certainly not in this position anymore. The “successful” ones will have to try and deliver the job of two people, and the rest of us will have to take stock, adjust and try to come to terms with this bolt out of the blue.

Mondays truly, totally, utterly suck – and today might just be the suckiest :o(

I Never Get Bored Of Birthdays :)

Another day, another birthday celebration - today's was for the lovely Mr H. His actual birthday isn't until tomorrow, but Monday's are a bit of a pain in the arse for celebrating anything, so his wonderful wife Gemm sorted out a bit of a surprise get-together for him today.


We went bowling first, girls vs boys. Much merriment, competitive-ness and triumph ensued as we spent a couple of hours in the bowling alley. I'm sure it won't come as much of a surprise that us ladies took much longer to complete our games....this may have been something to do with the constant nattering and singing along to the cheesy 80's music that for some reason was blaring out, or perhaps it was just that we took our time, as were were the victors over the boys!! The birthday boy's Mother in Law was in fact the star player of the day!


Muchly in need of nomz after all that excitement we headed for a restaurant and the combination of the relaxed, unrushed service, the wonderful company and the glorious weather made for a really nice afternoon. The food (well mine certainly) was delicious and it was nice not to have to force a main course down roughly 3 nano-seconds after you've put the cutlery down from your starter!!


Gemm had arranged another surprise and presented Simon with his birthday cookie, complete with candles after dinner (my picture of the day) I must admit, it was absolutely gorgeous, might have to drop hints to Hague for my birthday lol!! It really was shame to have to leave, but being a Sunday, there was work to think about, and the Menagerie who'd been on their own all afternoon. It truly was lovely to spend time with such great company and I can't wait to do it again!


So here we are, Sunday evening once more, with a whole week at work ahead, but with a weekend behind me that has gone a long way to cheer me up. Add in a new episode of Top Gear and a couple of cold lagers whilst enjoying some comedy on TV and I think we are rounding out this weekend nicely.

Simply Kindle-Tastic

My much lusted after, eagerly awaited present to myself has arrived. My Kindle! I even managed to drag myself out of bed at 8am this morning at my Sister's to ensure I was home in case it was delivered early - unheard of on a Saturday!


It didn't actually arrive until nearly 1pm, and was put straight onto charge, I've spent most of this afternoon uploading books for it, sorting out settings for it and generally falling madly in love with it! I've already read an entire book, something I've not got round to doing in months. It's going to make it so easy for me to indulge in my love of reading at the drop of a hat, anywhere and everywhere!


A gorgeous skin and case are already ordered, and when it's protected it will be coming EVERYWHERE with me :) It truly is a wonderful gadget, and am sure it will be in constant use when I'm on holiday...and at work...and when I might be waiting somewhere for 5 minutes.....when I'm bored with t'interwebz...etc etc etc!


All mine :)

In other news, the weekend has been lovely so far. It was my Sister's birthday yesterday, so we spent some time there - as always chatting about everything and nothing and having a few drinks and a lot of giggles. Today has been spent relaxing, watching lots of Open All Hours on DVD, having a few beers and just winding down after such a stressful week. Tomorrow should be good fun as well, with dinner out and some bowling. It's been nice to have a weekend like this after the last week, it feels like a drop of fun and normality has surrounded us, and our world feels a happier, relaxed place because of it.

Excited!

Payday is tomorrow, I've been checking my bank since 8pm to see my wages go in......I've been paid, and now............


My Kindle is ordered!!


I am SO excited. I can barely contain myself! I'm getting a Kindle! *yaybounceglee*


It'll be here Saturday :) 


KindleKindleKindle - need to calm down, I need to be in bed! lol!

Dark Days

Strange isn't it? Happy days are so easy to blog about, the simple act of writing about them brings them to the forefront of the mind again, recalling the little things that made for such a pleasurable moment.


When bad things happen you have to ponder the words, force them out. All the while wishing they hadn't even happened at all, wondering if airing them will help or hinder the mood you find yourself in.


Today is definitely a bad day. We seem to have our fair share of them, but life seems to rejoice sometimes in pushing me to the limit :( The one thing in my life I thought was reasonably secure, isn't. The job I enjoy may disappear. I'm trying not to think the worst of the situation, as it's not a foregone conclusion, but honestly? I'm distraught, upset and overwhelmed.


My sensible head tells me that things will always work out somehow, that things are never as bad as they seem, but right now those words mean nothing. Right now I can't see the light at the end of this never-ending tunnel, and even the bright little milestones we hold on to during our weeks have failed us today.


As far as I'm concerned 22nd June 2011 can f*ck off! Perhaps I should just go to bed now to stop anything else happening?? :(